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Life, 1914-05-28 · page 30 of 44

Life — May 28, 1914 — page 30: what you’re looking at

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Life — May 28, 1914 — page 30: Life, 1914-05-28

What you’re looking at

This page from *Life* magazine contains several brief humorous anecdotes under "Our Foolish Contemporaries," a satirical column mocking contemporary behavior and attitudes. The main jokes include: 1. **"No Hurry"**: A convict at Sing Sing prison, asked to stop hammering while a reporter makes a phone call, responds that he has "twenty years to finish this job"—satirizing the convict's indifference to time, given his long sentence. 2. **"Strange Neglect"**: A stranger criticizes a rural area for failing to advertise itself as "the garden spot of the State"—mocking small-town boosterism and commercialism. 3. **The German farmer anecdotes**: Poking fun at German immigrants' thrift and practicality through dialect humor. 4. **The wedding scene**: A dialect-heavy joke about African American speech patterns (representing period stereotyping). The page is primarily **advertising-driven**, featuring whiskey, spring water, chocolates, and other products. The satirical content is secondary to commercial promotion.

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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

/}OURS FOOLISH | CONTEMFO IES a: No Hurry While a reporter was telephoning his story from Sing Sing carly yesterday morning, a convict hammering on the floor made it hard for the reporter to hear. Would you mind stopping for a few minutes?” asked the reporter, “ All right, boss,” said the convict, “ go to it I got twenty years to finish this Job."—New York Tribune GREAT BEAR SPRING WATER 5O cents per case of 6 glass stoppered bottles A Max had stayed out at a banquet very, very late. He awoke in the dawn and saw, perched on the foot of his bed, an organ-grinder’s. monkey that had climbed in through the window, His hands trembling, his eyes blood- shot, the man drew his revolver from beneath his pillow and said: If you're a real monkcy, it's a bad lookout for you; and if you're not, it’s a bad lookout for me."—Tit-Bits A German farmer was in search of a Sanveaan & Co.'s Five-Star Sierry—Five- 7 pot aly h driving horse. Cross Port—perfect wine in perfect condition—are “Wombat's wife wants to go on the pis ' ek | available at $1.50. per bottle from all. principal stage: I've got just the horse for you,” said purveygrs. Botiled abroad. Honest wines at 3) “Well, he’s rich enough to build a the liveryman, “He's five years old, q sound as a dollar and gocs ten miles theatre for, her without stopping.” “Yes, and to hire an audience.” PPInE: : The German threw his head skyward. Louisville Courier-Journal. a ” a ae Not for me,” he said, “not for m s Negl I lif eight miles from town, and mit dot __ Dirange Neglect | horse I haf to valk back two miles.” “There's one thing, though,” said the National Monthly. stranger, “that I can't understand.” “What's that?” asked the old settler. “Nobody around here has assured me that this is the garden spot of the | Comfort Without Extravagance, Hotel Woodstock, New York Sliced Oranges with adash of Abbott's Bittersare appetizing and healthful. Sample of bitters by mail, 2 cts, in stamps C. W. Abbott & Co. a. Itimore, Md. enjoys the unique distinction of having re- ved from she yest International ft s Aviaintaro; wedding, wien: the clerey: ° g . =e aalsagie man read the words “love, honor ind of the world, Grand Prizes and Medals of ‘ i , the bridegroom interrupted and Chocolates Award acknowledging its superiority. Among id: “Read that again, sah! Read it “tans tone them are recorded: once mo’, so’s de lady kin ketch de full solemnity ob de meanin’, I’se been mar The “Fame” of Maillard a CHICAGO... 1893 | MILAN..... 1906 tied befo'."—Argonaut, PARIS... ... 1900 | JAMESTOWN. 1907 As Gornoy Gin costs no more than ordinary gin AILLARD'S Candies are ST. LOUIS .. 1904 | BRUSSELS ..1910] a jhe averaue café, why not insist upon Goxnox, Boubens a famous all over the and be sure of a proper beverage ?—Adv. world—a testimony in itseli LIEGE ..... 1905 | GHENT.....1913 : a to the indisputable pre-ent- A happy suggestion f Chaelatee ad superiority of y one desi Ye \ “ 3 he Maillard products. s vat to any one desiring a |) FRB Av ss | ve — world-wide popularity __re- ya iimulating bevers (| BS Pik French flects, too, the purity, quality tae te ns perfectly y /iy_-& Rae 5 Pastries and distinction in candice BOTTLED wBO! shiskey, s / which for sixty years has , ; a pure whiskey, as pure Z y = been synonymous “with the as carefully selected rye and barley-malt, namé Maillard. together with 118 years’ continuous experience, a 1\\ can make it. | y Wo) ees Maulard Candies packed in French Bonbonnieres (Exclusive Importa- Ice Creams tion) or Fancy Boxes to order, and ESTABLISHED 1796 3 and a olen requested, made ready Sor. safe — : = delivery ta all parts of the world. Leading clubs, hotels and cafés dispense ¥y a= . Large. - THE LARGE DISTILLING CO. PITTSBURGH, PA. ANOTHER VERSION FIFTH AVE. AT 35TH ST., NEW YORK ATALANTA’S RACE