Life, 1914-04-16 · page 31 of 44
Life — April 16, 1914 — page 31: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains two distinct sections: poetry advice and corporate advertising. **"Advice to Poets"** (left column) is satire mocking lazy, formulaic verse-writing. Ellis O. Jones ridicules poets who use simple, repetitive trochaic meter as an easy way to fill space without genuine thought or innovation. The poem itself demonstrates the monotonous pattern it criticizes—endless four-foot lines with mechanical rhythm "Like a ship upon the billows." It's self-aware satire: the advice itself exemplifies the hollow, effortless writing it warns against. **"Unseen Forces Behind Your Telephone"** (main content) is a Bell System advertisement presenting infrastructure statistics as impressive comparisons—poles stretching around California, wire circling Earth 621 times, copper and materials worth hundreds of millions. It emphasizes the hidden mechanical complexity supporting everyday service, positioning the Bell System as an engineering marvel serving 150,000 employees and universal connectivity. The "Help Wanted" notice (bottom) appears unrelated—a personal ad seeking a rest-home placement for an elderly gentleman with "worthless parasitic daughters."
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
age “LIFE! 703 | Advice to Poets OETS, if you want a meter, If you want an easy verse form, If you wish to lighten labor And proceed with little effort, This one that you now are reading, This trochaic bit of rhythm, This syllabic alternation, First a long one, then‘ a short one, Tripping onward willy-nilly, Tripping on without cessation, Stopping not for thought or rhyming ; If you want to cover paper And fill up the gaping column, You will find these four-foot verses Most attractive propositions. Ev'ry line’s like ev'ry other, Not the slightest variation. Each has four trochees exactly, Nothing more and nothing fewer. Possibly when just beginning, It might come a little awkward, But you'll find that very quickly You will seem to get the habit, Seem to catch the swinging motion, Floating onward, rising, falling, Like a ship upon the billows, What you say but little matters. If no new idea comes forward, Unseen Forces Behind Your Telephone! HE telephone instrument is a common sight, but it affords no idea of the magnitude of the mechanical equipment by which it is made effective. To give you some conception of the great number of persons and the enormous | quantity of materials required to maintain an always-efficient service, various comparisons are here presented. The cost of these materials unassembled is only 45% of the cost of constructing the telephone plant. Poles enough to build a stock- ade aroun jifornia — 12,480,000 of them, worth in the lumber yard about $40,000,000. Wire to coil around the earth 621 times— 15,460,000 miles of it, worth about $100,000,000, includ- ing 260,000 tons of copper, worth $88,- Lead and Tin Telephones enough tostring around | ¢ Erie—8,000,000 of them, 5,000,000 Bell- owned, which, with] equipment, cost at the factory $45,000,000. Switchboards inaline would extend thirty-six miles—55,000 of them, which cost, un- assembled, $90,000,000. Buildings You can just repeat the old one. d « é na aaa ek Tashi = sufficient to house a city of pie fae as, to load 6,600 coal cars Baty" 150,000—more than athou- ) life (at using: other language, —being 659,960,000 tp if sand buildings, which, un- err ay it with a new expression, pounds, worth more | 6 furnished, and without land, one Say it, ringing any changes than $37,000,000. ; & cost $44,000,000. That may happen to be handy. Nae Then, almost before you know it, f a It will come so wondrous easy Conduits People _ That your only difficulty to-go five Ges lirough : ° Will be finding how to stop it. the earth from pole ‘to pac poke frie ews Ellis O. Jones. pole _2255778,000 oming—150,000 Bell Sys- | ‘on. feet, worth in the warc- tem employes, not in- | . house $9,000,000. cluding those of connect- | ing companies. i} The poles are set all over this country, and strung with wires and cables; the conduits are buried under the great cities; the telephones are installed in separate | | homes and offices; the switchboards housed, connected and supplemented with other machinery, and the whole Bell System kept in running ontes so that each subscriber may talk at any time, anywhere. AMERICAN TELEPHONE AND TELEGRAPH COMPANY AND ASSOCIATED COMPANIES One System Universal Service | One Policy Help Wanted NTED—Help. Nice, old gentleman, with nose to the grindstone, who has worked hard and conscientiously all his life and who feels himself entitled to a little rest and peace, would like to dispose of three well-educated but thoroughly worthless parasitic daughters and two worse than worthless sons. Also would like to find some interest in life, besides bridge, foreign missions, shopping and social climbing, for one formerly companionable and loving wife. Object surcease, solace and solitude. To be entirely frank, I am tired of being the only one in the family who is doing any real work. Address Long Suffering, Sycophant Boulevard, Metropolis Point, N. Y. The Roreg Vaiiey, wear St. Moris ST. MORIT ENCADINE. SWITZERLAND 6100 feet above sea DORF, BAD & CAMPFER World-renowned Mineral Siterriang’y mest tasblewable resort. Springs and Baths, with ne latest improvements | = Hlustrated Booklets from SWISS YEDERAL RAILROADS, 241 Pith A: | comicbooks.com