Life, 1914-04-09 · page 30 of 40
Life — April 9, 1914 — page 30: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three satirical pieces typical of Life's humor: 1. **"Talk That Counts"**: A dialect humor piece featuring an African American defendant (Ephum Johnson) explaining to a judge that he beats his mule because the animal is deaf and requires "sign language." The satire targets the defendant's illogical reasoning rather than animal cruelty itself—a common comedic trope of the era. 2. **"Every Author's Wife"**: Mocks the romantic notion that writers need specific dietary suffering for creativity. The wife catalogs absurd, indigestible foods her husband consumed (haggis, sauerkraut, hard-boiled eggs, lobster, stout), then demands he write anyway while eating a banana. Satire targets both pretentious literary advice and marital dynamics. 3. **"A Novice"**: Brief joke about a job applicant claiming experience with "best families" rather than actual childcare. The page also includes a Dunlop tire advertisement emphasizing durability (8,117 miles on a 1913 Packard automobile).
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
i ZZ Pit Talk That Counts Ephum Johnson was up before Judge Shimmerpate on a cruelty to. animals charge Deed Ah wasn’t abusin’ dat mule, jedge,” the old man demurred. Did you not strike it repeatedly with C15§eR a club?” “ Yassah.” “And do you not know that you can accomplish more with animals by speak- ing to them?” Yassah; but dis critter am dif'nt He am so deef he caint heah me when Ah speaks to him in de usual way, so Ah has to communicate wid him in de sign language."—Youngstown Telegram. Mas. Hexrvyrrck (looking up from her reading): ‘This writer says that the widows make the best wives. Mr Heneveeck: But, really, my dear, you can hardly expect me to die just in order to make a good wife of you. Stray Lave ty published every Thersta Pomessions. $5.00 a year in ads to Canada, $2 Cents. Slagle current copies, 10 ceats. Scents. Issoes prior to 1910 out of print omtri Ut be returned untese accompanied by stamped and addressed envelope Aetd Wa f responsible for thie Lots OF MomTEMIN ef WMISICALOL OMEPDUEONE. Zeb} AM, Null) ANT, Nylly YES. Toes 15 THE “OmGovas NO. THERE 1S MOT UGH POKEY WHT THis ART BUSINESS” WO, 100 NOT PAINT SIGNS oun fea TO HEAR THAT | yout Sistem was TALENT | coopsve ih ra r PREPARED stnsttancously I the United States, Great Britain, Ca ‘Additional postage to foreign coumries ia the Powal Ui Hick oumbers, after three moaths from dat LavK does mot Every Author's Wife [What is the first step towards literary production? It is imperative. if you wish to write with any fresh ness at all, that you should utterly ruin your digestion.”—H. G. Wetts.1 “What have you dined on, husband mine? “Chocolate creams and ginger wine.” “What did you take as an appetizer?” * Haggis and Sauerkraut a la Kaiser. “ Didn't they a “ Hard-| oiled eggs and whiskey neat.” And your fruit, I trust, was over-ripe? ~ Doughnuts five with a pound of tripe.” “Have you had nothing at all since then?” “ Lobster and stout.” pen, You must do a chapter or two to-night; Have a banana and start to write. —Punch. Phen here's your A Novice “Have you any experience with chil- dren?” “No, ma’a best famili —Philadelphia Public Ledger. I always worked in the Lookselters tm all the peieciga for sale by all newsdealers tn Great Uritain and may be obtain Rolls House, Breacns Baiting, The foreign trade supplied trom Live's Loalon Oi Prompt motication shold be sent by subscribers f arg chanat of addres “8,117 miles and still running, is the report we can give you on the Englebert Tyre, Chevron Type, purchased from you on July 12th, 1913, and placed on the front wheel of a Packard ‘30’ Touring Car.”