Life — April 2, 1914 — page 46: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A Maid There Was A maid there was in our town Whose modesty was rare; Of autumn trees she'd never speak Because their limbs were bare. . When night its sable shadow threw She'd tumble in a swoon If curtain did not hide from view The man up in the moon, A plumber caused her death one day, So the story gocs— 'y asking in a careless way To let him see her hose. —Birmingham Age-Herald, A younc mother, who had just returned from India, engaged a new nurse for her baby, The nurse came to her and said: “T don’t know what's the matter, madam, but the little one cries and cries. I can do nothing to quiet it.” The mother thought a moment; then, brightening up, she said: “I remember now. Baby's last nurse was a black one. You will find the stove-polish on the third shelf in the kitchen."—Argonaut. yi Son hoa “How pb’ po? AES ar ane WHAT FASHION-WOOKLET ARE you From?” Onward Christian Nations Onward, Christian Nations, Making evermore Costly preparations For murdering by War. Battleships, Torpedoes, Armour, Guns and Shells; Anything for slaying foes The Promoter sells. Newspapers for lying When the truth costs dear; Fools to do the dying, riots to cheer. Rulers, Priests and Preachers, Hypocrites galore, ying to The Prince of Peace ‘or Victory in War. —IWill Herford, in The Masses. Busy Days “Gent uptown telephones for an offi- cer at once. Burglar in the house.” “Let me see,” said the captain, re- flectively. “I've got four men censoring plays, two inspecting the gowns at a society function, and two more supervis- ing a tango tea. Tell him T can send him an officer in about two hours.” —Kansas City Journal. 1 r 17 is J) Fosessioes. to Canada, 52 cents, ‘Sin B cents. "Issues prior to 1910 oat of priat. Ne con vablisned every Thursday, simultaneously s9 the United Stites, Gi aad Betish $5.00 a year im advance’ Additional postage to foreiga countries ia the Postal Union, $1.04 a year: ‘current copies, 10 cents. hack numbers, alter three moaths trom date of publicatn, old thee f responsible for the out er mometturn of wmteiicited tontribut tribution wii! be returned unless accompanied by stamped and adtveszea envelope. LAVE dees net LIPE is for sale Ly all newsdealers in cities of the wor The text and iinstrations én 414 Southampton Kew, Loudon, Prompt notification should be sent by subscribers of any change of address, Great Br id.” The foreign trade supplied from Livi iain end joadon Office, Kelis Houve, Lave ave copyrighted. For Reprint Rights in Great Britain apply to Lave, WC ‘VIYELLA’ New Spring Designs for 1914 “ Viyella”’ can be obtained at all leading retail stores A large range of plain colors, Stripes! Plaids! AVOID SUBSTITUTES! Facsimile of label on each 214 yard DOES NOT DOES NOT SHRINK “Viyella”’ (Regd.) For FROCKS, KNICKERBOCKERS, NIGHT DRESSES, DAY SHIRTS, PYJAMAS, etc. | FUTURE STATE OF THE GENTLEMAN WHO, AT THE CRITICAL MOMENT, ALWAYS HAD COLD FEET obtained froas iooksetlers In all ie principal teams Walbding,