Life — March 26, 1914 — page 28: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

During a concert tour of the late Theodore Thomas and his celebrated or- chestra, one of the musicians died, and the following telegram was immediately dispatched to the parents of the deceased: “John Black died suddenly to-day. Ad- vise by wire as to disposition.” In a few hours the answer was re- ceived, reading as follows: “We are broken-hearted; his disposi- tion was a roving one."—Tit-Bits. Keeping the Peace A gentleman, rushing from his dining- room into the hall and sniffing disgust- edly, demanded of Jeames, the footman, whence arose the outrageous odor that was pervading the’ whole house. To which Jeames replied: “ You see, sir, to-day’s a saint's day, and the butler, ‘e's ‘igh church, apd is burning hincense, A Chicago business man, with many relatives, some of whom were well-to-do but grasping, recently sought the services of his lawyer to draw up his will. When, after much labor, the document was completed, the client asked: “Have you fixed this thing, as I wished it, tight and strong?” “I have done my best,” lawyer. “Well,” continued the client, “I want to ask you another thing—not profes- sionally, however. As a friend, and man to man, who do you think stands the best chance of getting the property when I,am gone? "—Harper’s Magazine. Tn Memoriam “My word, Jacob,” said Steinberg, “that is a beautifal diamond you have in your pin.” How much did it cost?” “T paid one thousand dollars,” replied Jacob. “One thousand dollars! Good gra- cious!" exclaimed Steinberg. “Vy, I did not know you ver vorth so much money.” “Vell, you see,” exclaimed Jacob, “ ven der old man died he left one thousand said the and the cook, she’s low church, and js burning brown paper.to hobviate the hin- 3... . cense.”"—Argonant. i “THE MAN WHO CAN SMILE WHEN EVERYTHING GOES DEAD WRONG” dollars for a stone to be erected to his memory, and dis is der stone.” —Kansas City Star. sts aS A sci Live is pablided every, Theraday, abmstancoutly to the United) Sates, Creat Driale. Canada and Betis Vowcaione.. $5.0 « year ta advance, Addonal postage 10 foreign cevaiie in the Foal Union. 51.64. years Single corpens copies, 10 cents. ach nusalers, ater thre mathe trom date 33 Sata issues prior to fou0 out of print” Ne contribution wil be returned unless accompanied by stamped and addressed envelepe, LATE dots mot eld thself responsible for the leat or newreturn ef unsolicited contributions. TAPE Is for sole by all pewsdeaters In Great Britain and may be obtalned fron booksellers in all the principa! citea of the wetld”, "The loreiga trade supplied tere LIFES London OBce, Rolls Howse, Beegna Buhne The text an sastrations iu L498 are cofyrightet. Fer Reprint Rights in Great Britain agpy to Live M4 Southampion Kew, Wee. Prompt notification should be sent by subseribers of ang chante of adress. . o*% a “Simplex 50”, an owner in Glens Falls, N. Y., tested several well-known tires in succession. Then he tried Englebert Tyres and forthwith ceased experimenting, for they yielded “almost one-third more mileage H than any other make that I have tried”.