Life, 1914-03-12 · page 30 of 44
Life — March 12, 1914 — page 30: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three distinct pieces of humor: **"Aut Scissors Aut Nullus" (top left):** A satirical legal anecdote mocking racial attitudes and courtroom injustice. Walter McQueen, described as "a person of color," faces assault charges in Jackson, Tennessee with multiple witnesses against him. The joke's cruelty lies in McQueen's despair—seeing the organized opposition against him, he asks what chance he has, suggesting the deck is stacked based on race. **"The Modern Girl" (top right):** A poem critiquing society's hypocrisy toward young women. Adults constantly criticize modern girls' fashion, behavior, and morality as frivolous and undignified, yet the poem's punchline reveals this is timeless—"just like girls before her, / For twenty thousand years!" It satirizes generational hand-wringing about youth. **"Another Dog Star" (center):** A brief joke about a lawyer's mercenary advice to a doctor—lie on whichever side "pays you the retainer." The page also advertises Arrow Shirts and announces a sold-out Life magazine issue from March 5th.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
= sAUT ScIssORS : The Modem Girl é , We knock and criticise her, Aut NULLus We scot, aportrophie hee, abo We wish that she were wiser, % More capable and kind. + Her path we're always stalking hat ‘§ To criticise her talking, Overwhelming Odds Her clothes, her ways of walking, ‘ 7 Mer manners and her mind, We say, “ Oh, highty-tighty! She's frivolous and flight And all her ways are mighty Undignified to see; She dances and she chatters, Our golden rule she shatters And laughs at serious matters With unabated glee!” We chide and we correct her, The A We shadow and detect her, We study and dissect her, With all her smiles and tears. And find, on looking o'er her (And learning to adore her), qua 's just like girls before her, my For twenty thousand years! —Peoria Journal. Walter McQueen, a person of color, faced Justice Howard in the police court at Jackson, Tennessee, the charge against him being assault and battery on the per son of Lily Belle Hopper. In addition to the battered complainant three of her friends appeared as witnesses against him. The clerk read the warrant, beginning “City of Jackson, Tennessee, agai Walter MeQucen "and so on. prisoner scratched his head, meantime contemplating the glowering faces of the chicf witnesses for the prosceution. “Please, suh, read dat fust part over agin fo me,” he requested. “*City of on, Tennessee, against Walter McQueen,’ obliged the clerk * said Walter, “ef de an’ dese foah Indies is organized aginst one what chance has he got? I's ¢ The lawyer was endeavoring to pump some free advice ont of the doctor. “Which side is it best to lie on, Doc?” both ihtag ; “The side that pays you the retainer.” Co s ANOTHER Doc —Cincinnati Enquirer. mou lay. sinattancoty Ia the Ue Stes Cart Rin, Cnads and Bekah Lave efor sue by all eewadalrs fa Great Bran and may te Qtalnnd from tootsie, inal te principal Yo I poatags ts farcige commiicn GARE ged Petia APE es Ne OY i icreien trade elpplicd wen Ivara hcnbon Olin Roe iio, Iheaes Being, STO coat Wick munters afer toree oan due of pebiicstion, x0 you BUH are ecarighto For Reprint Bichts in Great Retain opBy 1 It quali wil Mi detail lubric We hricat ina Special Many persons were unable to secure from newsdealers copies of the issue of LIFE for March 5th (The Proper Num- » ber). The great demand for the number exhausted their supplies. Tt will be sent prepaid to any address on receipt of the price—ten cents—by AR R OW S H ] RTS LIFE PUBLISHING COMPANY 17 WEST 31ST STREET, NEW YORK CITY The ARROW label marks the shirt that combines style and service. It is your guarantec that the garment is made of durable, color-fast fabrics, in such a way that its makers depend upon its good qualities to sell Red Latet 81.50 ta Black * you another shirt with the same label. Rte $2.50 to $10.00