Life, 1914-03-05 · page 26 of 60
Life — March 5, 1914 — page 26: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains two satirical pieces mocking early 20th-century American attitudes. **"Rebuked"** (left): A story about St. Peter at heaven's gate denying entry to an educated woman unless she removes her "hair not strictly your own" (likely a wig, suggesting artifice), her education, and her "fads." When she refuses to surrender her education and rights as an American citizen, she withdraws her application. The satire targets gatekeepers who demand women abandon intellect and independence for admission to respectable society—presenting such demands as absurd. **"Class in Arithmetic"** (right): A poem by Carolyn Wells personifying mathematical fractions. "Proper" fractions (less than one) snub "Improper" fractions as socially unacceptable, mirroring class discrimination. The improper fractions' resigned acceptance—that only magazines accept "improper" things—satirizes both mathematical pedantry and the magazine industry's reputation for publishing lowbrow content. Both pieces mock rigid social hierarchies and the pressure to conform to arbitrary standards of propriety.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Rebuked : TER displayed his usual nown courtesy to the young girl who had just arrived. “I'm sorry, miss,” he said, “ but you must remove all the hair not strictly your own, You see,” he added, with a smile, “if we per- mitted hair not grown on the premises with every new arrival we should be overstocked. Where real estate is so high, and we have to provide room for all——” Thereupon she removed her hair, and was about to enter when: “Excuse me," said St. Peter again, “but you must really re-, move your education. Our latest rule is not to admit anything su- perfluous—anything that has not. become a part of one, so to speak; your education was thrown on, and it would take up a lot of room and not do any good. I really must insist—" She was, of course, obliged to comply, though reluctantly. ‘WHY I IT? THAT A FIGURE LIKE THIS STANDS FOR WICKEDNESS, WHILE WHEN FATHER’S CLOTHES FIT LILLIE “And not to scem to be too in- sistent,” continued St. Peter, holding her back, “you must really leave that hag of fads in the checking room.” Thercupon the young girl drew her- self up haughtily “Give me hack my hair and my edu- cation,” she said, “and be so kind as to cancel. my application. Rather than ec up the rights of any American citizeness I prefer to make other ar- rangemants.” Class in Arithmetic 1 3], and */s went walking down the 29 street, When */;, °/, and ‘/; they somehow chanced to meet. The first three fractions shrank away; “Oh, mercy, my!” said they; “We cannot speak to you! Oh, dear! So ‘round the other way!” “Why not?” the others shouted loud; and then, with ribald words, They hooted rudely at */,, /; and 3/5. “ Because we're Proper Fractions, and, we give it to you straight, With Vulgar Fractions we are not al- lowed to ‘sociate!” The Vulgar Fractions hung their heads, and */, murmured low, “We are Improper Fractions and we have no place to gol” But?/, said, “ Be not downcast, we have one hope, I ween, Anything that’s improper can get in a magazine!" Carolyn Wells. THIS ONE REPRESENTS VIRTUE? comicbooks.com