Life — February 26, 1914 — page 30: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

EGYPTIAN DEITIES “The Utmost'in Cigarettes” } Plain 07 Cork Tip it PORARIES aa He Knew A Washingtonian, who was touring the Shenandoah Valley, stopped his motor- car in the road one day and asked an aged darky who was painfully proceed- ing in the opposite direction whether he knew where Mr. Simpkins lived. “Yessub,” was the reply. “He live heah in de valley.” “Do you know where his house i The aged negro chuckled. “*Deed I do, boss,” he said. “TU only wisht T had as many dollahs as 1 knows where dat house is."—Lippincott's. with a dash of Abbott's Bitters are ap- hful. Sample of bitters by mail, 25 cts. bbott Co.. Baltimore, Md. A Modest Request “Dear teacher,” wrote little Edith's mother, “please excuse Edith for not coming to school yesterday. She fell in the mud. By doing the same you will greatly oblige, Her Moruee.” —Ladies’ Home Journal. fo a Pinch, use ALLEN’S FOOT-EASE. Star Actor: I must insist, Mr. Stager, on having real food in the banquet scene. Manacer: Very well, then; if you in- sist on that you will be supplied with real poison in the death scene.—Tit-Bits, bottles — LIVE OIL GRAPE “Nature's Food” in Capsule Form ‘The fret pressing of the purest Italian Olive Oil con- taine nearly 100% nutritive matter, while eags give but 128, Ia OLIVE OIL GRAPE you fet the Purest gual ity, full value, without the taste. jandy for deak or home, Ideal asa tissue builder. 100 Capeales sent to any address on receipt of $1.00. , Literature on the use ef Olive Oil fre on application GRAPE CAPSULE CO., Newtost Maters of Ricinel-Grape Castor Olt Never Met It was a very clever girl who recently wrote this: I cannot praise our Rector’s eyes; I never saw his glance divine; He always shuts them when he prays, * And when he preaches he shuts mine. —Ladics’ Home Journal. Comfort Without Extravagance, Hotel Woodstock, New York Perfect Candor Tom McPherson, a Scotchman who does carpentering for a living, asked his foreman for a day off, which was readily granted. Later the latter was in- formed that the workman had taken the holiday to get married, and upon his return to work questioned him about it. “ Aye, sir; I was awa’ gettin’ marri’d.” “That's fine!” replied the foreman. “T hope you got a richt good wife, Tom.” “ Weel, I maun say she is God's handi. work, but she is nae His masterpiec answered the bridegroom, with the air of one determined to do perfect justice and yet adhere to the truth. —Lippincott’s. A certain minister was greatly dis- turbed by a number of women in his congregation who persistently gossiped in a loud tone during service. One Sunday morning he executed a plan which he had devised to stop this annoyance. At a given signal the choir stopped abruptly on a certain word in the middle of a hymn. Then one of the gossips, unable to check herself, was heard all over the church to say: “TI always fry mine in lard.” “As we know,” announced the minister, “that she always fries hers in lard, we will proceed with the singing.” —Argonaut, CHARTREUSE THE SUPERB CORDIAL OF THE AGES UNVARYING IN CHARACTER UNSURPASSED IN EXCELLENCE At first-class Wine Merchants, Grocers, Hotels, Cafes BATJER & CO. 45 Broadway, New York, N. Y. Sole Agents for United States. GREAT BEAR SPRING WATER SO cents per case of 6 glass = comicbooks.com