Life, 1914-02-12 · page 17 of 44
Life — February 12, 1914 — page 17: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page mocks Life's own writers through absurdist fake biographies. The humor relies on inverted praise—each contributor is described as spectacularly bad at their job: - **James Studdensail**: worst short-story writer - **Harold Bilgewater**: muckraking journalist known for inaccurate statements - **Aspen Leaf Wingle**: fashion writer who is herself worst-dressed - **Professor Hobo Punkhouse**: psychologist who talks excessively while saying nothing - **Violet Humpstacker**: poet with no sense of meter or spelling The cartoons below satirize contemporary social crusades. One shows a woman who locked herself in a millionaire's home "for humanity's sake" (parodying Upton Sinclair-style investigative journalism), now emotionally traumatized but promoting an upcoming book. The crude drawings mock both self-righteous reformers and sensationalist journalism exploiting social causes. Life here skewers its own industry's pretensions and hucksterism.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
“hh ES “Contributors to this Number” James Harpoon Studdensail has long been recognized by a wide circle of readers as our worst short-story writer. He is a regular contributor, and the story in this number is a fine example of what he can do when he doesn’t try. Harold Squealer Bilgewater has been our leading muck- raking contributor so long as to need but a brief notice. His reputation for packing inaccurate statements into a page is too firmly established to enlarge upon. Miss Aspen Leaf Wingle was born in 1813 and has been writing steadily for many years on woman's fashions. The fact that she is the worst dressed woman in the country gives her articles an authoritative charm. Her manuscript is illustrated by her room-mate, Miss Stella De Brie, whose fashion pictures are unique among horrible examples. Professor Hobo Punkhouse is our leading psychologist and can write longer and say less than any other regularly ordained psychologist in the world. He draws a large salary from Harvard University for this purpose. Violet Humpstacker was for years the leading poetess of a large advertising agency. She packed so much passion “WHO GOES THERE?” “A F-F-FRIEND!"” into her poetry that we have engaged her to write for us regularly. She has no sense of meter and can't spell, but otherwise she is splendid, having been on a yellow journal. Heartrending Case for Humanity ISS DAISY MOTTHAVEN, the young woman who undertook to incarcerate herself into the home of a millionaire in order to study condi- tions for the benefit of humanity, was interviewed yesterday. She naturally seemed rather weary after her ordeal, but consented to talk for publication. “Yes,” she said, “I did it. I read accounts of how, for humanity’s sake, brave men and women had had them- selves locked up in jail. That seemed good to me, but I felt that I should like to do something even more heroic.” “And did you actually accomplish your great feat?” “Oh, yes.” She smiled bravely. Her spirit is wonderful. “Are you prepared to say anything at present about the conditions?” At this Miss Motthaven’s eyes filled with tears, “Please don't refer to the subject, she said. “I cannot even think of it now without emotion. My forthcom- ing book will explain all.” Miss Motthaven is expected to re- cover, but her friends say that she will “say! YOUNG MAN, 1 PAID SIXTY CENTS A DOZEN FOR THEM EGGS. YOU'RE SETTIN’ ON” never be quite the same. Notice of her book later, comicbooks.com