Life — January 15, 1914 — page 32: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Getting It Straight “ After all," said Kwoter, “it's a true saying that ‘he laughs best who laughs last." Not really true saying is: whose laugh lasts’, at all,” replied Wise. “The ‘He laughs best —Catholic Standard and Times. A cane of laborers was employed dig- ging a mysterious ditch across the street. It was a sewer or a place to put a gas pipe or something. One man in par- ticular was working as if he were a chorus man in a play, just going through the motions and pretending to dig a ditch. The foreman came along and spoke to him. “Don't be afraid,” he said, with rich sarcasm. “Lean on th’ shovel now an’ thin. If it breaks I'll pay for it!"—Argonaut, Probably Miss Wheat, the new teacher, was hearing the history lesson. Turning to one of the new scholars, she asked: “James, what was Washington's Fare- well Address?” The new boy arose with a promptitude that promised well for his answer. “ Heaven, ma'am,” he said. —Harper’s Magazine. Comfort Without Extravagance, Hotel Woodstock, New York The Road to Fame “ At last,” cried the musician, “I have fame within my grasp.” “How so?” asked his wife, who had heard the same thing before. “You know Mendlessohn’s ‘Wedding March’, and the marvelous repute it brought him?” said the musician. “Yes, but what of it?” “Well, I'm going to write a Divorce March.”—Reedy’s Mirror. when flavored with Abbott's Bitters ix made Wine Jell mail, =| more delightful and healthful. Sample of bitters b; Baltimore, Md. (SHERRY) i BOTTLED IN SPAIN Case of twelve boutles, $17.50. Per boutle, $1.50 DRY SACK The old-fashioned Sherry in the old-fashioned bottle I] So! by the best dealers, grocers and stores. Bets in stamps. C.W. Abbott & Co, Joxes: If Mr. Oldboy makes any such assertion I will denounce him as a liar. Presipext: Mr. Jones, I call you to order. Our by-laws do not allow you to go that far. Joxes: Then I call Mr. Oldboy a liar as far as it is mitted by the by-laws of this association.—Tit-Bits. “Is she good to the children?” “Very. She lets them do everything their father docsn’t want them to do.” Golf and Music {The winner of the contralto prize at the Guildhall School of Music attributed her success to golf.—Daily Mail.) When strains from Puccini are whistled by caddies, The muscular maid and the masculine minx Must hie them in tears to compassionate Daddies, For musical maidens have captured the links! Perchance you may find one improving her putting And trilling on C in a tremulous shriek, Or warbling a trifle by Lambert or Nut- ting Whilst “trying for distance” brassie and cleck! with Full oft you may hear her arpeggios sweeping Like songs of a thrush from a thicket of trees, For even when bunkered, be sure she is keeping Her temper and tempo with consum- mate case! free from the fetter-like vapors that shackle The wan neurasthenic who raves of And, her Art, The girl who can handle a niblick will tackle Debussy and Strauss with resolute heart! Ye embryo Melbas, intent on “ arriving,” Be sure that our “ stars” are robust as they're keen; If you build up your strength with “ ap- proaching"” and “ driving, You won't lose your nerve when you get “on the green.” —Arthur Stanley, in London Opinion, —Detroit Free Press. areot JL cataticn A LATE DEDUTARTE --- SocieTy’S LeAbER ROW! | ) f f ' “I duct PAR FUMFUR. hee UPREME . aus Ai a lec long comicbooks.com