Life, 1914-01-08 · page 32 of 44
Life — January 8, 1914 — page 32: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from *Life* magazine contains several short humorous items satirizing early 1900s society and journalism. The main cartoon depicts a man (labeled "His Teacher") gesturing at what appears to be a bachelor observing women—the joke being that real-world experience teaches lessons differently than formal instruction. The text jokes mock contemporary attitudes: editors dismissing Columbus's discovery as a real estate scheme; Cleopatra finding pearls too commonplace (satirizing wealth excess); and a newspaper editor suggesting a poet should typewrite rather than write poetry. A society anecdote involves Lord North's family being considered among London's ugliest people—humor based on aristocratic bluntness. Other quips target restaurant service and wedding expenses. The *Petrole Hahn* advertisement promotes a petroleum-based hair tonic, reflecting early 20th-century patent medicine marketing. A final joke references Thomas L. Masson's book *"The Best Stories in the World,"* suggesting it will monopolize after-dinner conversation. Overall, the page reflects *Life's* satirical focus on journalism, manners, social pretension, and consumer culture of the era.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Columbus had returned to Spain bring- ing news of wonderful new lands across the sea. “How much shall I write on it?” queried the maritime reporter of the Cadiz Evening Bulletin, who had brought in the story, “Don't write anything,” replied the editor, “Let Columbus pay for his ad- vertising if he wants any, It's probably a real estate promotion scheme.” —Newark News. Too Cheap “Shall I dissolve another pearl in the chalice for your breakfast?” asked Charmion. “No,” replied Cleopatra.“ Pearls are too inexpensive and commonplace. Boil me an egg."—Washington Star. “You ought to typewrite your poetry,” said the harsh editor. “Great Scott!" replied Mr. Penwig- gle; “if I were expert enough to do that kind of typewriting, do you think I'd be putting in my time on poctry?” —Washington Star. HIS TEACHER AS IT LOOKS TO THE BACHELOR ‘Winners in Their Class There are some good stories in Mr. Reginald Lucas’s biography of Lord North. One tells of an amusing blunder. Lady North was no beauty. It is said that one night at the opera somebody asked : “Who is that plain-looking lady in the box opposite?” “That,” said North, “is my wife.” “TI did not mean her,” came the ob- vious rejoinder; “I meant the lady next to her.” “That, sir, is my daughter; and I may tell you that we are considered to be three of the ugliest people in London.” —Tit-Bits. Lending a Name “Waiter,” asked the impatient cus- tomer, “do you call this an oyster stew?” “ Yessuh,” replied Mr. Erastus Pinkley. “Why, the oyster in this stew isn't big enough to flavor it.” “He wasn't put in to flavor it, suh. He is jes’ supposed to christen it.” —Washington Star. A BRIDEGROOM is a person who spends a lot of money buying himself a wedding- suit that nobody notices.—Dallas News. LIVE ls published every Thursday, simultaneously ia the United States, Great Britla, Canada and British Possessions, $5.09 ‘Additional postage to foreiga countries ia the Postal Union, $1.06 a veari HI ‘Single current coples, 10 cents. Hack wumbcrs, after Uiree meaths trom date of publication, 5 exats. “Issues prior to 1910 out of pr No contribution wit! de returned unl i208 envelope, LAR docs mot | Rodd stsecf responsible for the is me companied by stamped am: arm ef unsolicited contrib Live ts for sale by all mewsdealers ia Great Beluin and may be obtained trom booksellers in all the principal ELSE Oe ree” "Te rela trade supped from Live's London Oce, Rolls Howe, Breans Beldioes The text and ihestrations in 44 Southampion Row. London, Prompt notification should be sent by subscribers of any change of address. re copyrighted. For Reprint Rights in Great Britain apply to Live, Fetrole Hahn jzives health to the hair of men and women \ Your physician tones up your system with some ‘imple, natural food that has been lacking. Your tair frequently demands the samc attention. Use the natural tonic—pure oil—in its most tractive form, Petrole Hahn Vibert. Its fragrance jjuggests a delicate perfume rather than a ‘emedy, yet its base of true petroleum pro- ‘luces that lustrous sheen which is as gratifying \p possess as it is beautiful to see. Sizes, $1.50 and $1.00. At leading dealers, PARK & TILFORD Sole Agents f $29-$49 West 42nd Street, New York “Mr, Masson's book has killed after-dinner speaking,” said a Prominent orator. “In a short time everybody will know what the best stories in the world are.” Copr. Life Pub. “The Best Stories in the World,” collected compiled, edited and introduced by Thomas L. Masson, of Lire. Doubleday, Page & Co., Garden City, N. Y.