Life — January 1, 1914 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

It's a Poor Rule Tuat Doesn't Work As Wet IN Any Business Orrice As In A ScHOOL. (Scene: An office interior. Man- ager seated at desk. Enter chief clerk.) HIEF CLERK (a woman): I am afraid I cannot be here this afternoon, sir. Manacer: Why not? C. C.: Baby is teething and I feel that I must give him my personal attention. Manacer: Don't mention it. It is all right, of course. (She goes out.) (Enter head stenographer.) H. S.: Good morning. Manacer: How do you happen to be here this morning? H.S.: The twins are getting on so well I thought I'd better come down to the office. By the way, have you got my salary for the past two weeks? Manacer: Sure. Drop in any time and get your salary. That's what we are here for. (Exit head stenographer.) (Enter Mrs, Maltby, the assistant bookkeeper.) Manacer: Hello, Mrs. Maltby! How's the baby? Mrs. Matrsy: That's what I wanted to see you about. (Cries in the distance.) Don't you hear him? Manacer: Good Heavens! haven't— Mrs. M.: Yes. I hope you won't mind. You know my books have not been posted up for some weeks and I thought while I was doing it I would keep him under my eye. Nurses are not always reliable and by the way— Manacer: Yes, Mrs. Maltby. Mas. M.: I have thought of speak- ing to all the mothers you employ, about this, and suggesting to them that we might all be able to get our work done better if we spent more time in the office—that's if you don’t mind. It would mean that the kiddies would have to be kept there and [ would suggest that you speak to the head of the firm about providing us with a general nurse. Manacer: Certainly, certainly. 1 You “come ix!" will attend to the matter at once. (Mrs. Maltby goes out.) (Enter head of the firm.) H. or F. (rather excitedly): Look here, how did this custom of allowing our employees to get married and have children start? Manacer: Why, don’t you remem- ber it started among the schools? The teachers ‘were allowed to have all the children they wanted and still draw salaries from the state. H. or F.: About how much are we losing a month? Manacer: Oh! we are running be- hind about $1,500. H. oF F. (sinking back into his chair and rubbing his hands thoughtfully) : Grand! When I think of all those happy children we are raising in our office, any one of whom may be Presi- dent of the United States—what's a few dollars more or less? Motorwocky 'WAS metzger, and the cartercar Did ford and fiat in the coles; All alco was the kisselcar, And the white winton olds. Spedwell the apperson, my son, The marmon big, the pope adroit! Oh, moon the michigan, and shun The peerless paigedetroit! He took his hupmobile in hand, Long time the premier he sought; So packard he, neath the K. R. I. T., And E. M. F.'d in thought. And while in regal thought he stood, The cadillac, with haynes aflame, Came hudson through the simplex wood, And garford as it came. Oakland he too, The national went overland; The jackson’s squeal, “ locomo- bile"! Piercearrowing in his hand! slew, and franklin And hast thou Thomas Marion? Moline on me, my buick boy! Oh, reo day! Oh chalmers!—say, He flanders in his joy! 'Twas mercer, and the studebake Did lozier in the matheson; All stevensduryea mitchell make, And the stearns henderson. Gelett Burgess. NIPPED BY AN EARLY JANUARY FROST comicbooks.com