Life, 1914-01-01 · page 34 of 44
Life — January 1, 1914 — page 34: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page is primarily **advertising and literary content** rather than political satire. The main feature is a whimsical short story by Charles Lamb (OCR'd as "Cuarles Lama") personifying the calendar year's days as dinner guests. **The Story's Conceit:** New Year, coming of age, hosts an elaborate dinner inviting all 365 Days as personified characters. Festivals serve as stewards. The narrative humorously describes which Days attend—Christmas Day glittering in royal dress, Lent and family still in mourning clothes, Rainy Days arriving soaked, Wedding Day present, Ash Wednesday invited via Christmas Day's romantic scheming. **Historical Context:** This is *Life* magazine's literary tradition of reprinting classic satirical tales. It's genteel humor playing with calendar mythology—no political commentary. The page also includes **advertisements** for Southern Pacific Railway's "Sunset Limited" train and Heisey's glassware, plus a brief anecdote about composer Oscar Hammerstein's quip that operas are "drugs on the market."
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
LIFE: SUNSET LIMITED DAILY TO CALIFORNIA (NO EXTRA FARE) New Orleans, Los Angeles, San Francisco ‘Rock ballasted road-bed, oil burning locomotives, automatic electric block |signals—latest Pullman equipment, superior dining car service. Southern Pacific Sunset Route “The Exposition Line—1915 "’ Choice of water or rail routes to New Orleans. Return trip tickets at reduced rates; choice of return routes. Write for information. GENERAL OFFICES: New York City New Orleans, La, No. 366 Broadway Metropolitan Bank Bidg. Mouston, Texas ‘San Francisco, Cal. Southern Pacific Bidg. Flood Bldg. Agencies all over the United States, Mexico, Cuba and Europe Music As Medicine A reporter asked Oscar Hammerstein the other day if he believed in the new therapeutic idea that music was a medi- cine. “ Believe in it? Of course T do,” the impresario replied, “I know at least three operas that are a drug on the mar- ket, while as for popular songs, there n't one of them that docsn't make me ill."—Chicago Record. Tue first sigh of love is the last of wisdom. Antoine Brit. The Days’ New Year Party By Cuartes Lama The Old Year being dead, and the New Year coming of age, which he does by calendar law as soon as the breath is out of the old gentleman's body, nothing would serve the young spark, but he must give a dinner upon the occasion, to which all the Days in the year were in- vited. The Festivals, whom he deputed as his stewards, were mightily taken with the notion, They had been engaged time out of mind, they said, in providing good cheer for mortals below, and it was time they should have a taste of their own bounty. It was stiffly debated among them whether the Fasts should be admitted. Some said the appearance of such lean, starved guests, with their mortified faces, would pervert the ends of the meeting. But the objection was overruled by Christmas Day, who had a design upon Ash Wednesday (as you shall hear), and a mighty desire to see how the old Do- minie would behave himself in his cups. Only the Vigils were requested to come with the lanterns to light the gentlefolk home at night. All the days came. Covers were pro- vided for three hundred and_ sixty-five guests at the principal table, with an occasional knife and fork at the side- board for the Twenty-ninth of February. Cards of invitation had been issued The carriers were the Hours, twelve lit- tle merry, whirligig footpages that went all "round and found out the persons in- vited, with the exception of Easter Day, Shrove Tuesday, and a few other mov: bles, who had lately shifted their quar- ters. Well, they all met at last, foul Days, fine Days, all sorts of Days, and a rare din they made of it. There was nothing but “Hail, fellow Day! well met!’ only Lady Day seemed a bit scornful. Yet some said Twelfth Day cut her out, for she came all royal and glittering and Epiphanous. The rest came in green, some in white, but old Lent and his fam- ily were not yet out of mourning. Rainy Days came in dripping, and Sunshiny Days laughing. Wedding Day was there in No 359 Opnc Frappe STHERS PIRIMSAORSZSS) OF 1014 E Fe lered ere in 1 Wooter tt Til Do’ Mos Take My Pl River tine; The fom reatage HOUSEHC comicbooks.com