Life — December 25, 1913 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

1142 Dutiful Daughters F Eve came back to the world to-day, After being away this many a year, She'd probably turn to Adam and say: “The styles haven't changed very much, my deai The Xmas Atmosphere HE starving poet eagerly | pounced upon a letter that had been put under the door of his ‘garret room. It was from a well-known publication. =“ We need matter for our Xmas Num- ber,” the communication _ said, “and would like you to submit some- thing in your best vein. Kindly note that the following sit- uations and themes are not desired for our columns: The lonely man or woman brood- ing over the fire on Xmas E The runaway son returning to the old home in time to pay the mortgage, etc. Xmas in the Poorhouse. We prefer matter in which the Xmas bells and the Yule log are not featured. On the other hand, we believe that there should be mention of snow “vO YOU BELIEVE THE! cLaus?” “NOT SINCE I FOUND HIS WHISKERS. IN FATHER’S CLOSET,” IS A SANTA “We happen to have here at the of- fice a very charming and novel picture, ‘Xmas at the Old Home,’ portraying a group of relatives seated about a bounteosuly spread table. There are the great grandmother and father— and so on, showing four generations, with aunts, cousins and poor relations gathered in loving unity on this of the year—one of those or snow falling, to give the proper atmosphere. Xmas deathbeds we regard as depressing. Kissing under the mistletoe as a central situation is somewhat obsolete. Couple wrecked on desert island over the Xmas holidays is some- what strained for holiday pur- poses.” This was the end of the first page and the Starving Poet threw the letter to the floor in despair. Then he went to the window sill and took in a bottle half full of milk, and from a paper package he extracted a couple of soda crackers and proceeded with his morning meal. \ Then his eye caught some writ- ing on the reverse of the letter as it The Milliner: RUN Fast, Boy !—ceT lay upon the floor. He reached for it THAT DELIVERED BEFORE IT’S OUT OF and read: sTyLe!” truly delightful reunions when all feuds and quarrels are forgotten in the good cheer of the feast. As the artist has drawn the foods in detail you might dwell on | the various dishes—the fat turkeys, the baked hams, the cranber sauce, the sweet potatoes and crisp celery, the pitchers of cider——” Here the poet took a deep | draught from the milk bottle and a bite of the cracker he held in his left hand, and continued: “The mince and apple pies—the plum pudding—all the good things in fact that deck the holiday table. You might dilate on the brown- ness and crispness of the things, the gravies, sauces, etc., introduc- ing such extras as pickles, catsups, pre- serves, jams, jellies, etc. We are carrying a page ad on our outside cover of the famous brands of these tinned goods, including soups, entrees and boned game, etc. In order that you may fully enter into the spirit of this commission, we are sending you by messenger a box containing the ninety-nine varieti these goods which you will accept with our compliments. Accompanying this is a crate of fruit juices; a patent combination corkscrew and can-opener; also a fireless cooker, mention of which you might gracefully weave in your story.” There was a loud knock at the door and the poet rose weakly and opened it. An expressman with two basket crates and three large boxes stood there panting from his climb up the stairs. “Sign that,” he said, presenting a receipt book. No, it nota dream! It is all absolutely true and the poet is now head of the advertising company of the great firm, having put so much feeling into the article he wrote for the magazine that it created the liter- ary sensation of the year. Kate Masterson. Mother Knows Her Boy Y, go find Johnny, see what he is doing, and tell him to stop it right away.” comicbooks.com