Life — December 11, 1913 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Operatic Cook-Book Aida ICK out a tender young Ethiop girl, Soak her in arias, war and intrigue; Add a proud Princess, a King, and a churl Of a Priest who with Satan is clearly in league. Peel half a dozen long trumpets sonorous, Add some Egyptian effects in the chorus; Strain the ingredients through a libretto, Smother with Rhadames, in a duetto. eee ee Lucia di Lammermoor Three quarts of Italian spirit, with a pint of Scotch as a starter, A bride, a villainous brother, and a lover from whom he would part her, A madness of coloratura, fluted and frilled to a turn, Six parts of harmonious raving—be careful and don’t let it burn. Pour into old-fashioned bottles, of the best Donizettian school, Label it “Vintage of '35,” and put in the cellar to cool. eee ees Lohengrin A large fat swan is the first thing needed, A soft-shelled knight may be added thereto, With a peppery sorceress who has impeded The justice of royalty all the way through; One sweet German maid, and a wedding of course, An ounce of suspicion, a pound of remorse. Melt knight and swan in an atmosphere mystic, Serve in Wagnerian fashion artistic. With a Baptist head of papier-maché Stir to a strong, salacious batter, Then bake in a mild anatomic display. Trim with a common or Garden curve, Garnish with Richard Strauss, and serve. te ees Madam Butterfly A dash of Geisha, mixed with Belasco, A Japanese house and a marriage fiasco, A well-meaning consul, who isn’t half bad, A naval lieutenant, no more than a cad— Bring on a child in a heart-rending manner, Throw in a strain of the “ Star Spangled Banner ;” Garnish with sobs and an audience teary, Serve very hot, with complete Hara-kiri. Sigmund Spaeth, “I AIN'T GOT THE NOIVE TO TELL HIM THERE AIN'T NO SANTA CLAUS.” “WHAT WAS THAT WE JUST PASS “ ALBANY” Sow LOW UP A BIT. I WANT TO GET SOME CIGARETTES IN ROCHESTEK.”