Life, 1913-12-04 · page 86 of 112
Life — December 4, 1913 — page 86: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page is primarily **advertising and light humor**, not political satire. The main content includes: **Advertisements:** - Maillard luxury gifts (chocolates, lamps, dolls, decorative items) positioned as exclusive holiday offerings - Hopewell Dainties chocolates ($1/pound) - Chartruse cordial - John W. Mealy & Sons watch bracelet **Humor Pieces:** Two brief anecdotes appear: 1. **"Absent-Minded"** — A college professor, deep in thought, hears a noise under his bed. An intruder answers "No," and the professor remarks he was "positive" someone was there—suggesting his absent-mindedness makes him doubt reality. 2. **"The Usual Result"** — A dialect story (using period-typical racial caricature) about an elderly Black man calling his employer about a mule blocking the street. The joke builds through increasingly absurd solutions (tying strings on ears, building fires) before someone twists the mule's tail, and it gets taken to the hospital—unclear if referring to the mule or the man. Both jokes rely on simple, formulaic humor typical of early 20th-century Life magazine.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
HE charm of a “Maillard” gift lies in its exclusiveness. The dai inty and artistic novelties forming the wonderful Holiday display were made exclusively BOUDOIR CAPS—the designs this season are particu- larly dainty and attractive—the variety is quite unique. SILK COVERED BRONZE AND SILVER ELECTRIC LAMPS—a combination of Lamp and “Vide Poche” with real lace. BRONZE AND GLASS TRAYS with Italian Lace—a wonderful assortment. PARISIAN DOLLS—distinguished this season more than ever by the cachet of “Chic de Paris.” CUSHION “Sachet de Lingerie’—Opera and Hand- bags—Glove and Handkerchief Boxes—in rare and ex- quisite designs. ART WARE—Dresden China, Saxe, Sevres—in bonbon- nieres of conventional flowers and other graceful designs. BIBELOTS and Articles de Paris—inconceivably dainty and useful. DINNER and ICE CREAM FAVORS—original and ap- propriate mottoes. ‘OYS, Favors and Christmas Tree ornaments. Bonbons, Chocolates, French Pastries, Ice Creams, Fancy Cokes ‘or Maillard and imported direct from Paris. Hopewell Dainties| Chocolates or Bon-Bons Cost $1 per pound. Will you send your dealer’s address and 5 cents for a “Get Acquainted” Box? This is merely to cover mailing and packing The offer is good in the United States only, ©“ We want to impress upon you in advance OUR REGULARLY PACKED GOODS are jug temptingly delicious, just as pure and fresh as yot } find our “GET ‘ACQUAINTED ” chocolates to ky When you open the box, compare the conteny with the most exquisite confections you have eve tasted; expect the chocolates to fulfill the promis of the most alluring candy advertisement you hm ever read. You'll not be disappointed. In addition to our dollar box we have package y sixty and at eighty cents, forwarded on receipt of pre. HOPEWELL DAINTIES Made in the country, at " HOPEWELL NEW JERSE | The Usual Result An old negro.went into a drug store in Richmond and said: “Boss, will you Please, suh, call de colonel on de tele- phone?” This was done, and the old darky said: “Colonel, dat ar mule done stall right in de main street right out here in front of de store. Yaas, suh; I done tied strings round his ears, but he didn’t budge. What's dat? What's dat? . suh, I build a fire under him, but it didn't do nuthin’ but scorch de harness. Yaas, suh; yaas, suh; I took de things out, but he wouldn't budge. Yaas yaas, suh, What's dat? No, suh; no, suh, colonel, I didn’t twist his tail. Yaas. suh; yaas, suk, another gemman twis’ his tail; he look like a Northern gemman What's dat, colonel? Yaas, suh, dey tuk him to de hospital."—Argonaut. il iT Pertiroccers in law and em:pirics in medicine have held from time morial the fee simple of a vast estate, subject to no alienation, diminution, ‘fe teach you how to write and sell them. No pre- revolution, nor tax—the folly and igno- vious experience necessary. Write now for free details, | : ind.— ASSOCIATED MOTION PICTURE SCHO GT4D Sherk Moad, Chirac | rance of mankind.—Colton. PLOTS Waxte2, RPL AYS | imme- Absent-Minded The story is told of a college professor who was noted for his concentration of mind. The professor was returning home one night from a scientific meeting, still pondering over the subject. He had reached his room in safety when he heard a noise which seemed to come from FT under the bed. “Is some one there?” | he asked. “No, professor,” answered the intruder, who knew of the professor's peculiar: “That's strange. I was positive some one was under my “ed,” commented the learned man. Reedy's Mirror. You can writethem, Manufacturers now paying $25 to,$100 for cna iM HAS STOOD THE TEST OF AGES AND IS STILL THE FINEST CORDIAL EXTANT At first-class Wine Merchants, Grocers, Hotels, Cafes. Batier & Co., 45 B New York, N. Sole Agent for United States. I IAI ————I—I—I—IJ—e e—Te A_Christmas Gift ‘Sure to Please “Duo” Watch Bracelet with FineGold Watch To lntredoce oar “DUO™ Rrarelet we offer this special Christmas Indovement. The bracelet atjuste itself perfectly to wrist, Watch, trv 10.00. payment John W. Mealy & Sons Co. 18 W. Lexington Street ‘Balto, Md. ‘Seat by. Parcels Post,