Life, 1913-11-20 · page 39 of 44
Life — November 20, 1913 — page 39: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three distinct pieces of satirical content: **"The Hapless Host"** (left): A poem mocking the contradictory expectations of entertaining. The host must be simultaneously present yet invisible, attentive yet unobtrusive, generous with food yet eating scraps, and cheerfully enduring bores—his only consolation being he gets to pay the bill. It satirizes the servile, thankless role expected of hosts in early 20th-century social conventions. **Advertisements** (center and left margin): For Carstairs Whiskey and AutoStrop Safety Razors—standard period product ads with no satirical content. **"Those Long Discussions"** (bottom right): Mocks President Vail of AT&T, who claimed government takeover of telephone/telegraph would require "very long discussion." The satire suggests this is an excuse to delay—and that the current Washington administration actually *gets things done* quickly. This likely references the Progressive Era's efficiency concerns or WWI-era government intervention.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
The Hapless Host (An article on “ Entertaining” in a daily paper contains this passage: The host thould always be at hand when, wanted, but not too much in evidence.) It is not mine to make a joke, Or drink a toast, Not mine to contradict when folk Their prowess boast. ‘Tis mine to list to Jones—the bore, To greet his stories with a roar, And, greatly daring, ask for more— I am the host. ‘Tis mine to bid the guests sit down In honeyed tones, To carve the liver wing for Brown, The breast for Jones; To heap the plates with dainties rare; To give each man the gourmet’s share; And make my dinner from the bare Residual bones, I hover round the evening through, A silent ghost. Complacently endured by few, Ignored by most. But let them flout me as they will, One privilege is left me still, That is—to liquidate the bill— Tam the host! Claude W. Cundy, in London Opinion. WHISKEY ‘© eesti! Blend and ay oeelarity As it has done—for 125 years, From Wash- ington’stimeto Wilson's, Carstairs has held an hon- ored place in the hearts and homes of discriminating people. A blend of the choicest ryes, mellow, aged in wood. Forsocialand medicinal purposes it has no superior. At best clubs, hotels, cafes and restaurants, ‘The numbered label shows our bottling. Established 1788 The New Model is Fine! Adjustable for All Beards Y merely pressing on the adjusting lever at the back of the razor, you set the guard for a close, medium or light shave, whichever you desire. This new adjustable feature—the 500 Shave Guarantee from 12 Blades—the ease of stropping—and the the comfort of shaving With a keen blade every day, put the AutoStrop Safety Razor so far above the others, that there is no basis for comparison. Dealers sell AutoStrop Safety Razors on 30 days’ free trial. Get one today and be convinced. AutoStrop Safety Razor Strops Itself On sale at all dealers. Price $5. Send for catalog showing fancy and travelling sets. AutoStrop Safety Razor Compazy, 368 Fifth Avenue, New York. Toronto. London a See a . Those Long Discussions RESIDENT VAIL, of the American Telephone and Telegraph Com » is cheerful P over the prospect of government ownership, and in a letter to a stockholder ‘eclares that “if the government should go into the telephone or telegraph business, it would only be after a very long discussion ". Alas, this sounds all too plausible, and, in order to be spared the d long discussion, we should almost be willing to forgo the immense advantage of owni these important means of communication. On the other hand, however, haven't we already had the major part of the discussion? And, then, too, haven't we a sct of officials down at Washington now who accomplish things with the minimum of discussion? Mr. Vail's stockholders should take everything possible into consideration, and Mr Vail himself should be careful not to invite the suspicion of bulling the market unduly.