Life — November 13, 1913 — page 8: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

"SOFC E The First Turkey-Trot LLA is one of those legendary dames who attained endless fame through her possession of an A-1 foot and a family that kept her eter- nally sifting cinders, She did wear a rather diminutive boot, although the original godmother story has been riddled to flinders. She was forced, it is true, to work in the basement portion of the house. manipulating the kitchen range until her hands were encrusted with blisters, Her only companion a little pet mouse, for she never was spoken to by her detestably ugly sisters. On the night of the John J. Me- Gooligan ball they decked them- selves in shadow skirts, star- spangled hose and _ invisible basilisk bloomers. McGooligan was known in the ward as a prince, husky and handsome and tall, while of his wealth and his desire to wed there were decidedly definite rumors. So Sadie and Stella got their nets ready with hooklets and lariats handy and hiked to the ball to acquire this delectable steady who would furnish them with joy rides, fresh water pearls, eats and occasionally candy. In the meantime the news was the most fortunate girls from Ella- sit-alone-in-the-ashes. She adjusted the flexible false limb with the fairy-like wax foot and limped into the ballroom with the slow halting movement of a fashion- able flapper, And that moment McGooligan’s gimlet eyes took root and the delighted audience started to clap her. Proudly and bravely she raised her imitation toes while he placed the glittering shoe upon the supposed foot of this charming little grafter. given out that there would be a prize for the most graceful lady dancer wearing the tiniest slipper. McGooligan personally was to make the decision wise and ad- just a shoe with rhinestone heels and an equally glittering nipper. Ella saw immediately that she had an excellent chance and acted without a moment's hesita » a maker of artificial limbs she would prance and impart to him her almost divine inspiration— One of those Heaven-sent, Fate-twist- ing brain-twirls—rare psychological flashes— Which was to change her to one of “ Lady-bug, lady-bug, fly away home, Your house is on fire and your children will burn. They're fighting the fire with a water- I should worry! Come on, turkey-trot!” And together for the first time they turkey-trotted down the centre of the room happily to life's close and if the truth could be known they are probably now one-stepping it in the Hereafter, Kate Masterson. I". isn't what you earn that counts; it’s what your wife doesn’t spend. A Sizable Disaffection RESS dispatches tell us of the de- sertion of one-sixth of the crew of the U. S. gunboat Yorktown dur- ing its recent six months’ cruise in Central American and Mexican waters. The report also relates that twenty- seven deck courts and eleven summary court-martials were held during the same happy voyage. Perhaps a layman may so far risk the wrath and contumely of the official and unofficial guardians of our navy as to suggest that these facts throw some light on why the navy finds it so hard to get recruits. To spend a large amount of money in advertising and maintaining re- cruiting officers when sixteen and two-thirds per cent. of a crew desert on one short trip is quite like trying to fill a sieve with water, It is not given us exactly to understand why all these men de- serted, but it must have been for reasons that would not enhance the beauty of those posters which the War Department distributes so conspicuously. “Economic Hardships” cr is a great temptation to join the representatives of the child employers in their lamentations over the new child labor law in Massachusetts. They leave noth: ing to be imagined of the “eco- nomic hardships” which these children suffer in being forced out of the factories (after eight hours of work) and into the schools. As we read cach harrowing phase of the injustice of regulating the sup- port which a child may give to his par- ents and other dependents of the famil: we realize that “ economic hardship" is certainly none too strong a phrase. We also realize what tender hearts these child employers have, so tender as to encourage the hope they will one day become distressed by some of the many economic hardships which do not cross the path of their own profits. comicbooks.com