Life — November 13, 1913 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

vit ay, ~ Kwownence — “7TVANNSY — OS ao SF > ee Sense ~ aaw 830 Immobile Mobile HE Mobile Register reports many more children than last year, but no more school buildings. This is as it should be and speaks well for Mobile's sterling immobility when once convinced that she is right. Mobile, as a true and loyal scion of Alabama, knows that mills are better for children than schools, and nobly refuses to be fissiparated from that position. In order to keep the maudlin sen:i- mentalists quiet, the reason given out by Mobile for the shortage in school facilities was the city’s inability to float $150,000 of bonds. It must not be un- derstood from this, however, that there is any dearth of money in and about Mobile, for in the same is\2e of the Register we read of the great ease and enthusiasm with which plenteous funds were raised for a grand celebration to show “ Mobile as Pan American Trade Center.” Here’s to you, Mobile. your self-expression. Don't let anybody interfere with “Every Rose —” Ete. EE have a baby that dimples ecstatically. Gurgles and giggles and blinks matically, ggles and wobbles and smiles energetically, And weeps ne'er a weep ept wept dietetically. And we'd be delighted were’t not for the curious. Endless, annoying and sometimes injurious Procession of tiresome, old and young visitors— Tongue-wagging, child-poking, nasty. inquisitors Each with suggestions a bit more delightfully Vacant of meani: or forebodings frightfully Far-fetched, and each with a surfeit of vanity, Afflicted, we feel, with inherent insanity Dozens of persons who chatter deliciously, Averring that babes should be handled judiciously; Ranting of hygiene while acting suspiciously; Kissing the poor little child surreptitiously! Friends of the family and neighbors and relatives Each with the very same list of superlative: ch with another impossible name for it; Each prophesying some new kind of fame for it: ich with some carefully bundled up article, Meant for a present but not worth a partic Bent on disturbing our kindly urbanity, Sometimes evoking a string of profanity, William A. McGarry. ACKWOODS: Which restaurant in New York ts it that is famous for its chandeliers? Mrs. Backwoons: I don’t remember ca the whole time we wuz there, Cyrus. in’ a chandelier “aR E, The Autobiography of Our Office Boy WiIil very possibly begin in the next issue of Lire. TH thrilling news that our office boy has consented to write his autobiography for Lire has been received with intense interest ip all literary and artistic circles. Recognizing him as a genius by his fine operatic whistle the moment he set foot in this office, we have been for months trying to get him to stop in his arduous labors of licking postage stamps to dictate the story of his marvelous ex- periences, Tt was only when he realized his salary was so small that he could not keep up his baronial castle on the Hudson that he consented to add enough to his income barely to pay his expenses of $22,000 a year, and provide a couple of hundred thousand in addition to keep him when he be- comes of age and has outlived his usefulness. Remember, that his epoch marking story will appear only in Lire, and a couple of hundred other papers who are paying us at the rate of fifty cents a week for the privilege. A Hard Choice ETTERS received at this office show much feeling over the compulsory vaccination business. In Pennsylvania, where school children are compelled to submit, so many deaths have resulted that parents are leginning to ask themselves whether it is not better to have in the family a live dunce than a dead scholar. “SAY, MR. POLICEMAN, IF YER SMASH A WINDER DOES YER GET ONE OF DEM FORCIBLE FEEDENS?” comicbooks.com