Life — November 6, 1913 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LEE.’ Now Running Full Blast Life’s Noise Department a tremendous success. Rival concerns starting up all over. new era opened for all Americans A IFE’'S NOISE DEPART- MENT is riow running day and night to fill orders. To say that it is filling a long- felt want but mildly ex- presses it. “The ideal of all Americans has at last been reached,” said a prominent government official, “ for now we cannot even hear ourselves think.” The possibilities of noise have never before been properly understood. It is true that many sincere attempts have heen made to put us on a noise basis. Mr. Bryan, for example, deserves the thanks of the American people for his efforts. He has not only personally ributed, but has added to, and stimulated the noise made by others. Thanks should also be given to other pioneers—to the man who first put auto horns on the market—to the inventor of street car gongs and public banquets, und drums and tin whistles and police- men—to cabs, Hearst and Roosevelt and the small boy—to Thomas Edison and the Clerk of the Weather who started the original thunderstorm— also the Theatrical Trust and both ane ~" MOVE on rnens’ WOTES Foe Houses of Congress. To these and many more, due thanks should be given, They have all done great work, But no one before has realized the commercial possibilities, or the fact that the American people are now so used to noises of all kinds, they are willing to pay for additions to the universal din. Anyone who contributes a new noise must be regarded as a public bene- factor. Rival concerns are springing up everywhere, but they cannot hope to compete with us, as we practically con- trol the market. By the way, we have just become in- corporated under the name of Life's Noise Distributing Company—branches everywhere. And in order to stimulate trade we have decided to offer a prize. To the man, woman or child who invents the noisiest noise we will give a grand prize of one hundred shares of stock in Life’s Noise Distributing Company. The noise must be so ar- ranged that we can control the rights and preferably should be one that can omen dl Sn wecicen “Tf you are a farmer” LIFES NOISE DISTRIBUTING Co. INOISIEST NOISE “We have decided to offer a prize” be used for a variety of purposes— such as on streets, in restaurants or in the family. Meanwhile, send for our catalogue of new and revised noises, which covers all contingencies. 1s your home too quiet? We have a complete home noise outfit, which ar- ranges for a continuous home noise from early morning until late at night —also during the night, if so desired. It also has a street attachment, so the neighbors can listen if they wish. We supply sets of suburban noises for small towns and villages that can- not be out-vibrated by anyone. In ¢ you are a suburbanite, you can, with one of these sets, live just as if you were in a large city. If you are a farmer, step in and listen to some of our farm vibrators. We reproduce all of the noises heard on Broadway, so that you can live close to nature, raise real vegetables, and yet have all the joys of the city. Remember, that while we expect to make a great deal of money, our Noise Company is not run solely for this purpose. We are nothing if not patriotic. We are doing it in the interests of the great American people. The more noise you make the more civilized you must be. And we are going to prove that we are the most civilized people on earth. Life's Noise Distributing Company. comicbooks.com