Life — October 30, 1913 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

What the Inmates Are Doing D® PILON PRICE, our most popular surgeon, read an inter- esting paper at last Tuesday's meeting. in which he proved conclusively that the stomach, in man, is a superfluous organ. He says he makes a point of removing it gets & patient under’ ether. One of the most amazing discoveries in modern science was made recently by Dr. Godwhat Stunts. He inoculated a young monkey with a delirium tremens toxin taken from a Spanish sailor, then transplanted the monkey's liver onto the sailor’s kidney. The case is being written up by Liarfrum Choyce, M. D., who will publish it in the New York Chimes as a sure cure for insomnia. Dr. Damall Kritturs and Dr. Rufus Clampemdown were much amused yesterday on learning that some Swed- ish societies had adopted this motto: now whenever he “Morality before science ; Justice to animals.” Dr. Kaynine Tawtcher said it was hard to believe that the Swedes were such fools. Quite a hot argument occurred last week between Dr. Goodbye Orghuns, one of our ablest surgeons, and Dr. Normal Mann. Dr. Mann asserted that, since vaccination and the injection of so much sera into the public was undoubtedly a cause of cancer, we ought to slow up a little. “The pub- lic,” he said, “are getting suspicious.” GIPE This brought a smile to the face of Dr. Doohumup Browne, who retorted, , with a merry twinkle in his eye. “If that’s the case, we must fill 'em so full of new diseases that they won't have time to worry over other people's troubles.” Well.” said Dr. Mersey B. Damhd, “we are doing it as fast as we can.” Dr. Kurcham O'Nevor agrees with Dr. Bedsyde Shamm that we announce cures for Bur does not too many sure cancer Plausable agree with He maintains that we must keep ourselves before the public—that peo- ple would rather be fooled than not hear good news. Dr. Tchapp is no fool. Let us hope these painful rumors are false, and that the serum fad is not dying out. It would be sad news for Dr. Toxin Puffer and Dr. Poysen Van Squert, who are both largely in- terested in a serum factory. Dr. Bacillus Breedar, Dr. nd Ussfor Jerms have alrea handsome fortunes out of and tuberculosis. Tehapp, M. D.. them. The Real Thing T" = cub reporter saw a hearse start away from a house at the head of a funeral procession. “Who's dead?" he inquired of the corner grocer. who was standing near his door gazing at the conveyances. “Chon Schmidt.” replied the grocer John Smith!" exclaimed the cub. a don’t mean to say John Smith is dead?” “Vell, py golly,” said the grocer, “vot you dink dey practicing, hey?” doing mit him— Down to a T TH = reason for happiness—Fideli-T. The reason for love—Affini-T. The reason for divorce—Cruel-T. The reason for doubt—Perplexi-T. The reason for graft—Immuni-T. The reason for exercise—Obesi-T. The reason for giving—Chari-T. The reason for the yacht race—Lipton's T. international oe aN fant “HONEST, JIMMY, You'p OUGHTER BF ASHAMED 0° YERSELF BRINGIN’ THAT FACE 0’ YOURS IN HERE AN’ FRIGHT'NIN’ THE LIONS.” comicbooks.com