Life, 1913-10-23 · page 14 of 40
Life — October 23, 1913 — page 14: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This satirical piece mocks American political figures and their incompetence during what appears to be a period of international tension. A Japanese schoolboy writes to Life's editor, claiming to conduct "Japanese spy work for Seeckret Service" while observing Washington politicians. The satire targets Republican leadership (President Huerta is mentioned), Democratic insurgents, and various senators for their ineptitude. References to Mexico, tariff bills, and suffrage debates situate this in the Progressive Era. The joke's core: American politicians are so chaotic and incompetent that a foreign spy can openly observe and report on their dysfunction without consequence. The illustration shows the "spy" at his desk, suggesting the humor of how easily intelligence could be gathered from America's obvious political disarray.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
*LDTFE* Letters of a Japanese School-boy The Horrors of an Extra Session To Editor “Life Newspaper” who print the Truth and other jokes, EAREST SIR:— Doubtlessly you are surprised to hear I am in Washington, yet here I are doing Japanese spy work for Sneekret Service. When I arrive at Penn Station here 1 felt so flushed with money that I felt I must ride in horse- cab with McAdoo Treasury expression. I look for one such a wheeled vehycle. At lastly, standing near curb- walk, I observe one antiquitous driver annexed to G. A. R. horse with sign, “See Washington, 1$". I was just making beckon-finger motion at this cabber when—O sud- denly—I seen who it was. It were Hon. Jo Uncle Cannon reduced to zero by Democratic majority! “Delicious greetings, Hon. Mr Speechless!” I holla chivalrously. “How are the Government going?” “It are almost gone, thank you,” he snagger with grouched voice. “I expect this Republic to quit any moment.” “So sorry to hear this expensive Nation will have to stop after Republican Party has in- vested so much money in it,” I snag- ger. “ What shall make its downfall?” “Weakened by extra sessions,” he abduct, “it will soonly become too weak-toed to resist and Mexico will annex it. Already President Huerta, rich and ambitious demigrog from across the Rio Grande, have sent Senor Gunbota on mission to Pres Wilson with instructions to act Swedish like Hon. Lind. Hon. Gunbota are now talking with Pres. Wilson, threatening to send Mexican army to intervene between Oscar Underwood and Demo- cratic Insurgents and to demand that Hon. Woodrow resign until properly elected by Progressives. This are Pres Huerta’s ultimato. Mexican citizens are already escaping from New York and Mexican navy (as soon as it is built) are expected to attack. If this do not wreck the Government, free sugar will do the rest.” “Do extra session create all this feebly-mindedness?” I otter horsely. “Most deciduously it do!” he snagger. “ How can you expect Con- gress to remain in healthy mental candition after being compelled to listen three extra months to Senator La Follette?” “T are doing Japanese spy work for Sneekret Service” “T should delight to hear him speech,” I say so. “After you been here a while you should delight to hear him stop,” snuggest Hon. Jo Uncle. So he giddap horse to Capitol Bldg. . Mr. Editor, I have read in book-prints considerable about eloquence. I learned to admire silver-toothed speeches from Hon. Demosthenes and his assistant, Hon. Sunrise Cox. Yet never have I heard one shot off. So I was filled with entire excitability when I entered Senate Parlor and was told “Hush!” by Hon. Doorkeep, because Hon. La Follette was saying so. “When did he begin?” I ask from reporter for Jewish Gazette who sat next by me. Not sure. I are still a young man,” he response with penci Tall-haired statesman of grand shortness stood alone- some in midst of seats saying so. Now and occasionally one Senator from Louisiana would popp head in door and report “Mr. V. Pres, I got the floor!” Yet hon. floor layed still where it was while speech continued onwards. By the noise I supposed Hon. La Fol was making tariff. I shall never eat one again. Was that oratory he said? If so, Ho&. Dan Webster talked like this: “Unripe canned peaches 214, shoe- strings, pianos, powder, lingerie, glue and rock candy 16%. Asparagus, albums, apples, arsenic, art, aspic, arti- chokes and adding machines 6 2-3. “Can this be oratory?" I ask from Jo Uncle. “It sounds like an auctioneer ordering groceries in a-drug-store.” “He have been going like this 62 days now,” encroach that Illinoiser. “But Hon. Tariff Bill have been passed,” I snuggest. “Hon. Bob care nothing for con- temporary history,” repose Hon. Jo Uncle. “He are a Political Futurist. He are now speaking for new Tariff Bill which will be passed in 1918 when Hon. Frank Lane are President.” Out in lobby, in secretive corner where they could avoid bribers from Nation Assn of Manufacturers, Sena- tor Root & Senator Lodge was dis- cussing tariff on art with Harvard voices. Senator Tillman strole by with aunty-suffrage expression. He heard them say so. “ What traitorious utterence did you utter?” he ask it. “T congratulate Senator Lodge that comicbooks.com