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Life, 1913-10-16 · page 38 of 44

Life — October 16, 1913 — page 38: what you’re looking at

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Life — October 16, 1913 — page 38: Life, 1913-10-16

What you’re looking at

This page contains satirical commentary on American consumer culture and social pretension, wrapped around period advertisements. **The Main Satire ("Houses"):** The unmarked article mocks the American obsession with home ownership and appearances. It describes houses as vessels for installment-plan furniture, symbols of status maintenance, and repositories of gossip—suggesting that homeownership is pursued more for social standing than practical shelter. The cynical observation that renters' homes "decline" while owned homes "take more time" to deteriorate is satirical commentary on how people delude themselves about property ownership's value. **The Sidebar Joke:** A classic marriage-proposal satire where a young suitor asks the father only whether he can afford the daughter's lifestyle—implying women are financial burdens measured by consumption. **The Advertisements:** Annette Kellermann (a real swimmer/performer) advertises body-improvement; Jason Weiler & Son sells diamonds. These juxtapose physical self-improvement with conspicuous consumption—exactly what the satirical text mocks. The page critiques 1920s materialism, installment-plan culture, and the performance of respectability.

📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A Perfect Figure May Be Yours Your appearance depends greatly upon your figure. The beanty of your figure depends largely upon you. How to Perfect Your Figure, Reduce or Increase Your Weight Devote fifteen minutes daily to my system and you can weigh what Nature intended. You can reduce any part of your figure burdened with superfluous flesh or build up any part that is undeveloped. Its effect can be con centrated on your hips, waist, limbs or any other portions of your body. It tends to make a figure perfectly proportioned throughout—a full, rounded neck; shapely shoulders, arms and legs; a fresh’ complexion; good carriage, with erect poise and grace of movement. You Can Improve Your Health My system stimulates, reorganizes and regenerates the entire body. It helps transform the food into good, rich blood. It strengthens your heart, lungs and other organs, | conquering all’ weaknesses and disorders, and generating vital force. y latest book, “The Body Beautiful should be read by every woman, and I will gend it to you free. It explodes the fallacy that lack ‘of beauty or health cannot be avoided. In it I explain how every woman canbe VIGOROUS, HEALTAY and ATTRACTIVE I have practiced what I teach. In child hood I was puny and deformed. I have overcome all weaknesses by my own natural, drugless methods. Millions of people have seen in me a living demonstration of my unique system of health culture and body: building. If you are weak, nervous, fat, thin, unshapely, tired, lacking vitality or in any ‘other respect not at your very best, I can surely be of service to you. My Guarantee With my free took, ‘The Doty Deaotiful* which te fully itusttated with photographs of myself explaining Tigive full particblare of my Ouarantee Trial ‘whereby Jou cam tert the valve ef my Instruction withoat ribing ® slagle penny. Send tmoncent stamp for "The Rody Reantifut™ ‘and Taal Plan today, ANNETTE KELLERMANN Suite 910 L. 12 W. 31st Street New York HE OLD GENTLEMAN: Now, young man, that we have settled things perhaps you would like to ask me some questions. Tue Younc Man: Only one, sir, and that is, can you support me in the style to which your daughter has been accustomed? OUSES are seen standing up along streets. They are used for purposes of sheltering from the weather furniture that is bought on the installment plan, and in the suburbs, for keeping servants over night. Some houses are born wrong and live a dis- sipated career all their lives, Others keep up a bold front to the bitter end, and, although rusting away, lean back and mutter to themselves about their former aristocratic surroundings. Houses, like many of our popular magazines and raconteurs, are full of stories. They also contain bath-rooms and water that runs when the laun- dress is dozing in the cellar. At one time houses were used for babies to be born in, but now they are taken up with phonographs and turkey- trotting. Houses that live in the back streets are more friendly with each other than those on the boulevards. They hob-nob together and gossip fur- tively about their more distinguished neighbors. Houses are made out of wood, stone, bricks and paper. Sometimes whole cities, made of the latter material, rise over night in the far West. A house that you own differs greatly from one that you rent, which begins to decline very rapidly and fall into premature old age and the habit of leaking immediately after you have signed a five years’ lease, whereas the house you own takes more time, but gets there just the same. WhenYouWearEvening Dress You must pay particular attention to every little detail of your attire. Most important are the studs and vest buttons, which should not only be correct in design, perfect in trish, but easy to insert without danger ¢ of marring the spotlessness linen. You will find all these in Krementz Bodkin-Clutch Studs and Vest Buttons ‘That goa liken needle and bold the an anchor No hinge joints, no loose parts, no spiral springs ‘nor hollow tubes: but a perfect and easily operated clutch that can never break nor et out of order. ading jewelers show a large variety of styles in gold or plat- inum mounted mother-of-pearl, some set with pearls and precious stones, also inexpensive patterns for ordinary wear. A descriptive booklet on request. Krements & Co.,60 ChestuntSt.,Newark,N.J. Makers of the famous Kromenta ‘Collar Buttons sD) [AMONDS2 FROM JASON WEILER & SON, Boston, Mass., one of America’s leading diamond importers, and save 20 to 40 per cent. on retail or your Jeweler’s price. For over 3 years the house of Jason Weller & Son of Boston has tee, one of the kading diamond importing concerns In America veiling Yo Jewelers. However, a large bumeess ‘done élreet by mall with cs. tomers at direc impartiag prievet ere are three diamond ofc direct to you by mall—w ich clearly demoastrate our position to peices on lamands that should surely interest aay preseat of prospec tive diamond, $239. ‘This 2hycants genu- ine ‘damoad fs of great briflaney and perfectly cut Stounted tn Tiftany Lo syle 16k. goth old setting. Our by carat—843 ancy, and perlectly cut. Mi your Jeweler can | eeeey eens itate It Exice, direct to you | This Sy cart genuine Mined t9. 94 diamond is of at bei $239, | Mestectis Tasey’so'o Meee road erave Se id oes Pe dpland tin wae | eres tha Bas Dre iret 900 by = eared vlogs will be seat examina ‘ruarantee for 'S years full value goes with every purchase. Rend strip ef paper to how ring ale. WRITE TODAY FOR THIS te BEAUTIFUL BOOK ON HOW TO BUY DIAMONDS This book fs beaxtitully Mus trated. Tells ow to Jaden, select and buy diamonds. they nike,"en and mavtet ae monds. This book, showing weights, sizes and prices ($10. to, $10,000.) is considered an author fy. A copy will be mailed 10 you FREE oa receit of your sane % caret $65. This % carat geee. ine diamond "ya great brilliancy and perfectly cat Mounted in’ met Released gold setting. “Ost Eiger $65. If your dealer cas upikate this reg for less than $5 send it tack and money will be ‘te funded. JasonWeiler & Son 371 Washington St., Boston, Mass. Diamond Importers since 1876 Foreign Agencies—Antwerp Paris Buenos Ayres A house is known by the company it keeps. Sometimes a mongrel house will associate with a thoroughbred mansion. They will get along very well together for some years, but eventually the mongrel house will draw its companion down to its own level. ery house, during the course of its life, is affected with many ailments. It frequently catches cold from draughts, and suffers from many in- ternal disorders. It also has shingles. He who is intoxicated with wine will be sober again in the course of the night; but he who is intoxicated by the cup-bearer will not recover until the day of judgment. his senses Saadi.