Life — October 2, 1913 — page 47: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Short-Story Burglar MONG all the hard working characters of the present time, the short-story burglar most deserves our sympathy, He is up all hours of the day and night; he has to talk more dialects than any other char- acter; but most pathetic of all, he is forced to associate with short-story society people. lf the short-story burglar had his way, he would “swipe the swag” and depart without any more ado; but alas! he is doomed to another fate; he must flash his lantern in front of the heroine's face; he must take off his hat and make Chesterfieldian bows in the dead of night and he must hold long conversations with the people he is robbing, in which he invariably states in chaste English the inex- pressible distress he feels at being compelled to remove their portable jewels. More than this, he must al- ways leave behind him, with a bright and cheery smile, the family heirloom. Any short-story burglar who would deliberately take away a family heirloom while the society queen to whom it belongs gazes at him reproachfully from out of her pink silk pajamas, would immediately be suspended from the Short-Story Writers’ Union, He would become a magazine outcast. The origin of the short-story burg- lar is lost in obscurity, but it is sup- posed that he first sprang into life in THE PARIS GARTER MAN See this picture on the box; see the name PARIS on the back of the shield. Then you're right, you’re buying genuine PARIS GARTERS No Metal Can Touch You ‘The satisfaction in wear and comfort makes the extra cau- tion well worth while. A. Stein @ Company” Makers CHICAGO NEW YORK _———— the Century magazine; after having secured a firm foothold in its pages he passed over into Harper's and is now rearing his young and performing his functions as a useful citizen upon all the news-stands of the North American Continent. According to the census of 1910 he numbered many thousands, The short-story burglar can casily he identified by any observant student His head is always “cat-like” and he ETER J. Canny, PRINTER, New York > The Family Blectric that combines both comfortable roominess and graceful out- lines, Everything for the passengers’ ease—five for- ward-facing, cushioned seats; sturdy, dependable mechanism; exquisite fittings, every final touch. For every-day use, social calls and countryside jaunts. Horizontal control from either forward or rear seat; six automatic and three reverse speeds. Automatic cut-out disconnects power when emergency brake is applied. “Exide” batteries, standard equipment. Standard makes of cushion or special electric pneumatic tires, optional. $2900. Dealers in most of the principal cities. Send for the Beautiful Borland Poster Book The Borland-Grannis Company . 312 East Huron Street invariably enters the house unan nounced, Some burglars send up ca or insert notices in the papers hefore- hand, stating that they will call But he first intimation you have of a short- story burglar is that he is bending over you in the dead of night. Also he always peers. He is always polite, frequently has a college education, and never gets into jail, The nearest he comes to this is being chained to a typewriter. comicbooks.com