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Life, 1913-09-11 · page 35 of 44

Life — September 11, 1913 — page 35: what you’re looking at

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Life — September 11, 1913 — page 35: Life, 1913-09-11

What you’re looking at

This page contains a humorous short story satirizing British upper-class social pretension. The narrative depicts a dinner party where the host, Tarville, receives news from his butler that the house is literally on fire. Rather than evacuate, Tarville dismisses the emergency as mere inconvenience and insists the dinner continue—the house is insured, after all, and the fire brigade will arrive soon enough. The satire mocks rigid class etiquette and emotional repression: maintaining composure and social decorum matters more than actual danger. The absurdist humor escalates as water and debris rain down on the guests, yet they persist in their meal, treating the catastrophe as a minor annoyance. The page also contains period advertisements for Waterman fountain pens and Jasco gasoline tanks—unrelated to the story's content.

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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A Kingdom For Such a Butler! “Something must be burning,” said Panmure. Tarville hated undignified interrup- tions. He had a particularly imperturb- able butler with a cadaverous, sad face and an eye of rigid disapproval. He spoke to this individual over his shoul- der. “Just see, will you,” he said, and caught up the pause in the talk to his left. We became aware that Tarville’s but- ler had returned. We tried not to seem to listen “ Beg pardon, m'lord,” he said, “the house is on fire, m'lord. Upstairs, m'lord Just overhead, rilord. The maids are throwing water, m'lord, and I've tele- phoned fire.” “No, m'lord, no immediate danger.” “Tvs all right,” said Tarville to the table generally, “go on! It’s not a gen- eral conflagration and the fire brigade won't be five minutes. Don’t see that it's our affair! The stuff’s insured.” It was evident he didn’t want his din- ner spoilt and we played up loyally. * Thompson,” said he to the imperturba- ble butler, and indicating the table gen- erally, “champagne, champagne! Keep it going.” I watched Evesham listening intently. We seemed a little transitory circle of light in a universe of darkness and vio- lence, an effect to which the smell of burning rubber, the trampling of feet overhead, the swish of water added enormously, Everybody drank careless- ly because of the suppressed excitement of the situation and talked the louder A Trade-Mark To Remember And The Pen It Represents There are good and sufficient reasons why you should know and own a Waterman's Ideal—the fountain pen which, by virtue of consistent efficiency, has firmly estab- lished its supremacy everywhere. The comfort alone gained by constantly using a pen attuned to your hand, a pen that never leaks, spurts or falters, one that can be carried with you and used at — your studies, your office, your home, or wherever you happen to be, is worth many many times the price of any Waterman's Ideal. .It is proven that you nearly double your writing capacity through not having to constantly dip your pen into an ACCIDENTS inkwell. Nibs of every conceivable degree and pens in many sizes in the Self- Filling, Safety and Regular types. Every pen guaranteed. Purchase the genuine— LIKE THESE the pen with the Spoon Feed. yee . CAN BE AVOIDED BY USING A ‘JASCO TANK” The seamless, leakless, drawn | steel gasolene tank. Made for = = = = = both motor boat and auto- and more freely. Avoid substitutes. Booklet on request. Prices, $2.50 and upwards. Sold everywhere by the best dealers L. E. Waterman Company, 173 Broadway, New York 17 Stockton Street, San Francisco 6 Rue d'Hanovre, Paris 24 School Street, Boston 115 S. Clark Street, Chicago 107 Notre Dame St., W. Montreal Kingsway, London mobile in all standard styles and sizes. They protect your pocket- book, your property, your family, and yourself. En- dorsed by the men who know. At your dealer's or direct Janney, Steinmetz & Co. ‘Main Office: Philadelphia, Pa. New York Office: Hodson Terminal Bldg. Then for a time things became prepos- terous. There was a sudaen cascade of water by the fireplace and then absurdly the ceiling began to rain upon us, first at this point, then at that. “My new suit,” cried someone. Perrrrr—up—perr—a new line of blackened water would establish itself and form a spreading pool upon the gleaming cloth. The men nearest would arrange catchment arcas of plates and flower bowls “Draw up!" said Tarville, “draw up. That's the bad end of the table!” He turned to the imperturbable butler. “ Take ‘round bath towels,” he said; and presently the men behind us were offer- ing—with inflexible dignity—" port wine, sir, bath towel, sir!” The Dinner Se from “The New “Machiavelli”, by H. G. Wells. Usual IRST MARRIED MAN: What is your family doing this summer? Secon M. M.: Me. comicbooks.com .