Life — September 11, 1913 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

422 Congress Goes Out On Strike Tremendous excitement in Washinglon--Rumored that the 1. W. W. may take charge—Both Sabotage and Syndicalism feared. (Special Correspondence to Life.) 'ASHINGTON, September 8th.—The strike in both Houses threatens to become a national disturbance. The men are insistent in their demands for eight hours a day and a reasonable vacation. President Wilson is obdu- rate, “This is not a question for arbitration,” he declared this morning at 4.30. “I shall put a time clock in the Capitol, and hereafter every mother’s son will be docked if he doesn’t show up. This is no Chautauqua circle.” The President appeared to-day in a brand new suit of overalls, made out of strictly domestic material. After saluting the British flag, he made the announcement that every Senator and Congressman would have a full dinner pail, but there would be no soldiering. The police force has been doubled, “This is better than clubbing suffragettes for practice,” said one of the captains. “I was almost beginning to wish I had never left New York.” This morning there was a demonstration of Senators, who marched down Pennsylvania Avenue. Men carrying the following transparencies headed the procession: We Want Snorter Hours. Hor Arr Is Kittinc | A Futt Stomaci anp Two WEEKS Orr In SumMER GUARANTEED. Bands of sympathizers followed. The police promptly quelled the disturbance, and the offenders were marched off to the Capitol and compelled in punishment to listen to a four-hour speech by Senator Tillman on Woman Suf- frage. A Congressman from Kansas was caught last night try- ing to break up the statues in Statuary Hall, a plain case of sabotage. The following wire was received at the White House from some crank in Texas: “Why not shut down both Houses and close up the Capitol permanently? Aren't we having trouble enough?” At a late hour last night the following statement was issued from the White House: “No arbitration. These fellows may belong to the union, but they can’t shirk while I'm on the job.” “IR RAE.* IVERY TOIME Of HEAR THE FOIVE O'CLOCK WHISTLE BLOW OL WISHT OI HAD A Jos” “snure! Nails Awe is a short piece of iron which a man uses to aim at while he is hammering his thumb. Nails come in various sizes. A tack is a baby nail which is fond of standing upon its head in the dark when you are turkey-trotting around your room in bare feet, trying in vain to locate an electric button, An adult nail is two or three inches long and comes in boxes which are sent to you by express upon which you have to pay the charges, which have already been collected by the express company at the other end. Not being able to find the hammer, you vainly endeavor to extract this nail and others of its kind from the box, both with and without prayer, until you finally succeed in wrenching the top off the box with super- human strength while your wife looks on with superb disdain. Nails are also used to build houses, as sinkers on fish lines, and when applied internally to the feet, to promote and foster lockjaw. They come in vast quantities in hardware and department stores, but when you want just one to drive into the bath- room wall during your wife's absence to hang a razor strop on, you might as well look for a needle in a haystack or a square deal in a State Legislature. RIGGS: Bilkins writes best sellers, doesn’t he? Gri Yes, but he's all right. He's a first-rate sort. When you get to know him you don’t mind what he writes. “\ AOTHER, will I ever be rich like father so I can hire a stenographer to say my prayers?” comicbooks.com