Life, 1913-08-28 · page 18 of 40
Life — August 28, 1913 — page 18: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains two satirical pieces targeting Democratic politicians and government practices. **The cartoon** (captioned "Say, Dad, How Did You Happen to Marry Mother?") appears to show a father figure surrounded by children, likely satirizing William Jennings Bryan or another politician's prolific political "offspring"—their various initiatives or policies. **"What Mr. Bryan Should Do"** directly attacks Secretary of State William Jennings Bryan, a prominent Democrat. The satirist argues Bryan is *too honest* for high office, mocking him for being direct, transparent, and unwilling to engage in corruption—practices the author suggests are standard diplomatic behavior. The piece sarcastically advises Bryan to profit from insider information, help relatives steal public property, or establish corrupt corporate connections instead of maintaining integrity. **"Progress"** lists major industrial disasters (1903-1913) with casualty counts, implying criticism of inadequate safety regulations or corporate accountability. **"Fiscal Agents"** mocks proposed government financial appointees as unnecessary profiteers exploiting national resources. The overall tone is bitterly sarcastic, attacking Democratic governance as simultaneously too naive and too corrupt.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
350 AUGUST 28, 1913 ‘While there ts Life there's Hope’? NOUS? Published by LIFE PUBLISHING COMPANY J. A. Mircnent, Pres’t. A. Sec'y and Treas. 17 West Thirty-first Stre: English Offices, Cannon House, Breams Bldgs. London, E. C. WING to Mr. Martin's absence in Europe, readers of Lire will be deprived of his editorials during the next few issues. “SAY, DAD, HOW Div YOU HAPPEN TO MARRY MOTHER?” “ERE: Progress ROQUOIS THEATRE, Chicago, 1903; 600 dead; ma- jority children. Steamship Slocum, New York, 1904; 1,000 dead; largely women and children, Austin Dam disaster, Pennsylvania, 1911; 100 drowned, chiefly women and children. Asch Building, New York, 1911; 140 dead; majority factory girls. Steamship Titanic, 1912; 1,600 drowned; men over- whelmingly predominating. Binghamton Clothing Co., girls. 1913; 65 dead; factory What Mr. Bryan Should Do R. BRYAN should take the advice of his host of Re- publican friends and relinquish the post of Secre- tary of State. What we require in that portfolio, which is properly the fountain head of the diplomacy of the en- tire country, is a little more hypocrisy, a little more soph- istry, a little more indirectness. Mr. Bryan is much too direct in his methods. He is too much given to taking the public into his confidence. He doesn’t know how to hold cards in his sleeve. He is too ready to do what he thinks is right without regard to its effect on the sensi- bilities of Republican editors who have been used to some- thing else. If his salary is not large, he should not seek to eke it out by methods which are open, above board and above suspicion. He should put up the conventional American bluff and say nothing about it. Instead of talking to Chau- tauquas, he should use some advance government informa- tion to take a flier or two in Wall Street, or he should help some of his relatives to grab valuable bits of public property, or he should establish an umbilical connection with a railroad corporation or a group of financiers or a protected manufacturer. He should act as if he had never done an honest day’s work in his life He should learn and take advantage of the fact that more devious a route an income takes the more honoi :d its possessor is apt to be. E.0. J. Fiscal Agents VERYBODY is conspiring these days to provide a fiscal agent for the United States Government. Let no man assert that Uncle Sam needs no fiscal agent. Even to hint at such a thing would immediately arouse the heated opposition and contempt of all the experts, to say nothing of the anger of the worthy applicants for this job of fiscal agent, which, to say the least, promises to be a very profitable one. This same reasonable timidity and aversion to independ- ent thinking would prevent one also from wondering how this Government managed to struggle up to its present pinnacle without a fiscal agent. Even if our Government did fiscal along without an agent, what of that? There are many things necessary to us in the heyday of prosperity that we could easily forego in the alackaday of youthful penury. Bring on your fiscal agents. for them. We are in the very mood comicbooks.com