Life — August 21, 1913 — page 9: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Are To Editor “ Life Paper,” who print jokes with pictures to show how to laugh, |WI-BAVAN Dear Sir: I ask to know some important information. Several weeks of yore I go to Washington to see Hon. Wm. Jenny Bryan and ask him to make some different kind of peace in those Balkans. That Hon. Grape Juicer was elsewhere, as usual, when I got there, and Hon. 3rd Assistant Doorkeeper say he would not be back indefinitely. “Where I find him?” are next ques- tion I enquire. “Search me,” snuggest Hon. Assist. This seem too unnecessary. “ State Dept is not responsible for lost ar- ticles,” he say on. “ Howeverly, if you go to Chataqua you might meet his whereabouts.” So I did so. Hon. Chataqua make no intellectual reply to my question, but poke forth one print-card full of words. Following was what I read: “ Baraboo—10:30—‘Is There a Life After Death?’ “ Denver—6 :23—' Advice to Young Merchants.” “South Bend—8 :o9—' Impersonation of Celebraties.’ “Newton Center—4:12—* What Radium?’ “ Joplin—8 :33—' Wild Animal Pho- tography.’ “Are this a Timetable?” I require from Hon. Chataqua. “No, not!” snib Hon. Chataqua. “Are it a Line of March?” P “No. It are a Line of Talk. Hon. Bryan will make it,” say him. “At which of these talking stations are he now there?” I ask it. Is “DL E* Letters of a Japanese Schoolboy Lecture Tours a Cure for Poverty ? “You are permitted to worry,” gollup Hon. Chataqua. 1 attempt to do so, but Hon. Chata- qua make bang-up of door. Pretty soonly, while walking through political streets of Washington, D. C., I meet Rev Dr S. Kurio, pastor First Heathen Church, Tokio, who was also in America to see Hon. Bryan, but had met him even less than I did. Being a heathen this Hon. Kurio are too kind- hearted to feel peevly about disap- pointment. “Maybe he are away making war or something,” snuggest that Rev Mr. “He are in Joplin talking about Wild Animal Photography,” I narrate. “He might be in Mexico photo- graphing some kinds still wilder,” dif- fuse that famus heathen. “ Are it not ashamed,” I say scornly, “for Hon. Bryan to be lecturing Cha- taqua when he should be lecturing Niceragua?” “Be not hard like stones,” Hon. Rev Kurio explain. “If Hon. State Dept feels too poor to keep Jeffersonians in expensive simplicity, then they must go forthly and do taxi-cab talking by the mile, so to patch out their salar: “Do U. S. Govt make great poverty of payment to Hon. Bryan?” I nego- tiate. “Extremely,” say Kurio, “His an- nual yearly salary is so small he must steal or be an editor. “How little is it?” I ask it, my mind full of microscopes. Te Pao e inSumanee “ SUPPOSING JOHN W. PRIDE COME DOWN TO OFFICE LATE” 301 “Ohttt” I fainted away in Japanese. Mr. Editor, frequent minds of promi- nence is condaming Hon. Bryan for being so runabout in his statesmanship, yet I am disabled to see how making diamond-pin-money by lecture tour are more dishonorable than making it sell- ing books. Both are ways of talking it out of folks. To tell you truthful, Mr Editor, I am certainly sure than Hon. Bryan have dishcovered valuable recipe for all persons working in office for too less pay. Great folks’ ways should be example for small folks, should not? Yes! For great men are merely little men swollen up. herefore stenog- raphers, janitors, grocers, druggers, billing clerks and other ete shall know how to obtain prosperity without join- ing unions. They can lecture! Would not this be nice arrangement for high cost of rent everywheres? That Bryan idea would be deliciously pleasant for workers, but less so for boss. Sipposing Hon. John W. Pride, wholesale fire insurance manufacturer, came down to office one late a. m. (morning) and found considerable quietness disturbing everything. He ring for office child. No response ar- report S. Kurio. rives. “Strange to think!” glub Hon. Pride. “It are raining, so Hon. Office Child cannot be undertaking his grand- mother again.”