Life — August 21, 1913 — page 37: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

On Life’s Wire 'ELLO, Lire?” Yes.” “ This is Alabama speaking.” “Salve, Alabama. What's the best word?” . “ Everything lovely, Lire. I want to thank you for the many nice things you have been saying about me.” “Don't mention it.” “ There's one little thing, however, that I'd like to correct. Of course we claim that we poy less attention to schools than ony other State, And we boast that a greater number of our children are bread- winners in the mines and fields and fac- tories, but, Lire, you certainly have been unfair to us in one respect.” “In what respect?” “Well, didn’t you say that 120,000 of our children were bread-winners?” “Yes.” “Well, that was a gross error, It isn’t £20,000 at all. It is only one hundred nineteen thousand nine hundred ninety- nine and one-half.” “ What is the half for?” “That represents a child that had its legs cut off in an avoidable accident.” “We are sorry to have misrepresented you, Alabama.” “That's all right, Lire, we know you mean well. By the way, while we're on the subject, I might mention another little point in which you didn’t give us a square deal.” “Dear, dear, What was it? how careless of us. most in delicacy EGYPTIAN DEITIES "The Utmost in Cigarettes” Cork Tips Plain wor so much by well-dressed men this summer, should be fastened with Krementz Bodkin-Clutch - Vest Buttons because they | ates in br a ares] without marring the stiffest star fabrics, And Hold Like an pricey till you are ready, to release them. 1 ited serine binge nits bol loose parts.” Made in ee es oe styles, with studs and cuff links to match (or sold rately) fr from the inex; Py -of-pead to ‘apology um Saber ee with precious stones, At the leading jewelers Descriptive booklet forthe asking KREMENTZ & CO, 00 Chestnut St Newark. as. NO LITTER. Clean asd sanitary, Sold direct | Pr: riENSN, Sie “ia Farrar 8t.. Lynn. Mase. | “Well, you said we were satisfied with our situation, That isn’t true.” isn’t it?” “No, and I can prove it to you. In 1903 the legislature looked into the mat- ter, In 1907 the legislature looked into the matter again. In 1911 the legislature looked into the matter once more,” Yes, but did the legislature do any- thing?” “Not much, but they would have if it had not been for a number of things. I tell you they were all mighty sympathetic and mighty determined legislatures, and it was all the highly-paid lobbies of the milling interests could do to keep them from rushing right forward and clearing up the whole child-labor situa- tion”? “You don’t tell us!” “Yes, and I'll just bet you a buffalo nickel that th: 191 legislature will can- vass the question with great circumspec- tion and perhaps accomplish something tangible. Who knows?” Quite right. “Who knows?” “ And, in the meantime, let us not re- fer to it any more than necessary, There is no use worrying ourselves for nothing. Why not look on the bright side?” “The bright side of what?” “The bright side, of Alabama,” “What have we been doing?” “Come, Lire, drop your mask. You know what you've been doing. Of course nobody takes you seriously.” “Of course not. Accordingly there's no harm done.” “No, that's right. No harm done. Just the same, I'd be glad if you didn’t say any more about it. But I won't keep you any longer. Good-by.” “Good-by, Alabama. Love to all the children.” Soper (sadly): Something I said to my wife some days ago so offended her she hasn't spoken to me since. “Old chap,” returned Henpeck, with painful eagerness, “ would you mind tell- ing me what it was you said?” —Tit-Bits, “ Money talks.” “I know, but my husband has an im- pediment in his income."—Houston Post. The Most Useless Thing in LIFE— SUPERFLUOUS FAT It’s excess weight that is both unsi unhealthy. The easiest world to get rid of if you wear Dr. Jeanne Walter’s Pameas Metiated Rubber Garments These garments are made either to cover the entire body or any The results from their use are q and they are absolutely safe, endorsed by leading physicis Used by Athletes, Jockeys, etc., the world over. Neck and Chin Bands Chin only 2.6 6s Also Union Suits, Stockings, J ets, etc., for the purpose of the fesh anywhere desired. valuable to those suffering from theu- matism, Robber Elastle Webbing *Silp-Ons™ . $8 op Kakber Elastie Webblog Silp-Overe™ 06 0p Write at once for further parteaare Yom Suderthetniwes Dr. JEANNE WALTER, 4, Pret, 4 shay githaet © Inventor and Patentee “yew voRE eben neat REPRE: ENTATIVES, Philadelphia: iis. Kammerer, 19 we Walnut Steet. Korg San Franciegi ago: E. Barna, 18 North See Street comicbooks.com