Life, 1913-08-14 · page 16 of 40
Life — August 14, 1913 — page 16: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page satirizes bureaucratic idealism confronting institutional reality. **"Doomed to Failure"** mocks John Purroy Mitchel, the newly appointed Customs Collector for New York's port, who naively believes he can eliminate corruption and "friction" from customs operations. Life argues this is impossible: customs officials must inspect and distrust travelers by definition, making politeness incompatible with the job itself. A customs officer cannot function as a genteel "Chesterfield" (gentleman). The accompanying **"Mottoes"** section provides cynical life advice for various professions, emphasizing hypocrisy and self-interest. Below is a **baseball cartoon** (captioned "He walked two men before he got control") and an unrelated piece criticizing **Texas's new anti-drinking law**, which prohibits public intoxication except at home—Life argues this absurdly forces bachelors to marry simply to drink legally. The cartoons use humor to critique governmental naïveté and overreach.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
268 Doomed to Failure My idea before taking this office was that it was the rendezvous for a lot of sharp-cyed inspectors bent on collecting customs from an unwilling traveling pub- lic. * * * I have asked that importers and all citizens who may have any con- tact with the business here from the out- side help to remove clements of friction and annoyance-—John Purroy Mitchel, Customs Collector for the port of New York. R. MITCHEL evidently begins his work in a conscientious spirit. He is a good man, but he is up against a large antinomy. The customs house methods of espionage and search must of necessity degrade the most refined and honorable people to the level of the cheat. A customs house officer can take nobody’s word. He cannot be polite any more than a gaoler can be. He must insult innocent people by very virtue of the office he bears. Mr. Mitchel’s desire to make the cus- toms house a hotbed of Chesterficlds is, however, laudable, even though, in the nature of things, it must be futile. Mottoes For the Doctor—No pains without gains. For the Lawyer—Where there's a will there's a way around it. For the Crook—God help them who can't help themselves. For the Minister—Whip the devil with platitudes and hold down your job. For the Husband—Ask me no ques- tions and I'll commit no perjury. For the Wife—The way to be happy “BUST BY CHABLIS. HE IS A RABID ANTI-REALIST. REFUSES TO MAKE A is to be sure you are safe. PORTRAIT OF ANYONE HE KNOWS BY SIGHT.” A Dreadful Act RECENT act passed by the Legislature of Texas, which has already become effective, makes it unlaw- ful for any person to get drunk in any place except his own home. We have great respect for Texas, but is this wise? It means that bachelors, in order to enjoy the same Privilege as married men, will have to get married. We don’t know how it is in Texas, but in New York this would make even the simple and harmless jamboree out of the reach of ordinary mortals. To be obliged to maintain a home merely to get drunk in—is this not too great a burden to place upon a hard-working class of citizens? Besides, the Texas Legislature has robbed drunkenness of half its joys, not the least of which is to come home at midnight and surprise your wife and little ones. How can any man maintain the respect due him, when the whole BASEBALL TALK ae , : preliminary machinery is on view by the rest of the family? HE WALKED TWO MEN BEFORE HE GOT CONTROL comicbooks.com