Life, 1913-07-03 · page 9 of 48
Life — July 3, 1913 — page 9: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This is a scathing satirical poem by Wallace Irwin mocking an extremist patriot who commits destructive acts in the name of Fourth of July celebration and patriotism. The figure—depicted in the illustration as a menacing silhouette among burned buildings—"blew a small fortune in crackers and poppers," murdered livestock with a gun, and shot cannons near homes, causing property damage and injury. The satire's core joke: this self-proclaimed "Dangerous Patriot" believes his destructive behavior serves the nation, even humming "Yankee Doodle" while causing havoc. The closing reference to "Birthday of William R. Hearst" appears to mock sensationalist newspaper coverage glorifying such recklessness. The poem critiques how patriotic fervor can justify irresponsible, dangerous behavior.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
The Patriot blew a small fortune in crackers and poppers And got up at dawn on the Fourth of July; From the Bottles of Chaos he drew all the stoppers And thoughtlessly shot his best friend in the eye. He blew down a house with the tail of a rocket, He murdered a cow with a .44 gun. A pack of red devils went off in his pocket. (The burns caused him pain, but of course it was fun.) He shot off a cannon next door to a cottage Where lay a pale invalid—noise made him worse. He filled an old shotgun with Lucifer’s pottage And put his lame aunt in the hands of a nurse. He strewed his black trail with destruction and bunting; The fire-engines hustled wherever he went As he reveled in arson like Baal gone a-hunting Till moncy and powder and frenzy were spent. And when he retired from his labors unnerving, A Scholarly Person inquired, passing by, “Pray, what Great Event is the nation observing, Causing such havoc on Fourth of July?” The Dangerous Patriot hummed “ Yankee Doodle.” Then cried, “ What a question! Say, ain't you the worst? To ask what it's for never ente: my noodle— Guess it’s the Birthday of William R. Hearst.” Wallace Irwin. 1913 “July AND ALL’s WELL!” comicbooks.com