Life, 1913-07-03 · page 12 of 48
Life — July 3, 1913 — page 12: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from *Life* magazine contains a poem titled "To My Synthetic Sweetheart" by Arthur Guiterman, illustrated with a drawing labeled "Auntie Sam" (a female version of Uncle Sam, identifiable by the star-spangled hat and patriotic costume). The satirical poem mocks the concept of a "synthetic" or artificial woman—critiquing idealized feminine qualities as unrealistic. The right column makes references to historical female rulers (Elizabeth of England, Catherine of Russia) to argue against the notion of the "perfect woman." The tone is humorous misogyny, treating the search for an ideal woman as inherently futile. The bottom shows a rebus puzzle—the answer to be published next week—which was typical interactive content for *Life* magazine during this era. The overall satire targets romanticized notions of womanhood and synthetic perfection.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
12 To My Synthetic Sweetheart Su synthesis of all that’s strong in Man And fine in Woman,—wondrous Consummation Whom I, in harmony with Nature's plan, Must worship in some future in- carnation, How shall I woo thee, how unfold my tale,— (The Psyche-Eros of your age be- friend me!)— A poor, unsynthesized Acratic Male Without one attribute to recommend me! See cringing Man, his empery o’er- thrown, Synthetic Woman towering above him, His brain, his strength, his vigor all her own,— What spell can move her mighty heart to love him? O History, unseal thy caverned vast! That, ‘borne again like swans o’er Lethe's waters, The. grand, Synthetic Women of the Past May teach us what may win their grander daughters! I don’t know much about Semiramis. She ruled, she loved, she died and left a name for Erotic poetlings to rhyme with “kiss "— THE ANSWER TO THIS REBUS WILL BE A thing Assyria’s Queen is scarce to blame for. Elizabeth of England?—She, again, Preferred young Essex, if I'm not mistaken, And other ruffling, domineering men To Mental Prodigies like Francis Bacon. And Catherine, Pride of Russia?— Since to-day Obliquity in rulers we deplore so, Of Catherine let it be enough to say Her taste was like Eliza's—only more so. Halt! halt! unruly Pen, and right about! The Muse is clearly growing too Byronic. Synthetic Love, I haven't any doubt, Will be some grades beyond the Love Platonic. Still, my Synthetic Sweetheart, brave and wise, When of my former prowess you've bereft me, Great Super-Maid of clear, discerning eyes, To win you, one resource will yet be left me: I'll burn my books and papers, break my lute; An atavistic impulse surging o'er me, I'll be a Prognathous Abysmal Brute— And then, I'll bet three cookies, you'll adore me! Arthur Guiterman, sarnen seed Bocety PUBLISHED IN NEXT WEEK’S LIFE comicbooks.com