Life — June 26, 1913 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

1258 Ballad of Best Sellers [2 dreamed of writing a book some day, (Pray you, tell me, and who has not?) I want to put some money away, (But first you must think of a wonderful plot.) I thought of one once—but now it’s forgot; "Twas very original—dealt with a crook. It must be casy—they publish such rot— Think of writing a best-selling book! George Barr McCutchcon, so they say, Rides in a limousine recently bought; Some day, perhaps, even I may, And go to the seashore when it is h ot. Chambers and Davis are asked out a lot, And each of them lives in a fine marble nook ; Gracious! I guess I'll just do it. What? Think of writing a best-selling book! It’s easier, they tell me, than writing a play, Or dropping a nickel into a slot; Just make your characters lively and gay, And keep your heroine on the spot. Be sure, in the end, that your villain is shot, (The public’s a fish, if you have the right hook), And nowadays drag in a live turkey- Think of writing a best-selling book! L’eNvot trot— Prince of Good Sellers, how large is your dot! Family and friends for a year I forsook, Striving to do what I simply cannot— Think of writing a best-selling book! Charles Hanson Towne. Hope For The Friendless Tt extracts are from a special despatch to the New York Herald: Putavetrnita, Pa., Monday.—Fol- lowing an investigation that has becn in progress several months, warraats will be served. to-morrow on five cons, one of them one of the most prominent in the coun- try, charging them with unnecessary and cruel and b of defenceless animals. It is charged in the warrants that the surgeons and university physi- cians resorted to the inhuman prac- tice of dropping twenty dogs off the roof of the Medical Laboratory, so as to break the backs of the ani- mals, in order that they might study the “functions of the motor and sensory centers in the spinal cord. It is charged also that several well bred dogs have been stolen and subjected to crucity. The pan- creatic duct of was removed. From another the pituitary gh was removed, so that it walked backward for’ weeks until it died, and the skull of another was tre- phined so. its brain was exposed, and in this way it was allowed to live for weeks until finally put to death. als are said to have ceted and important joved, while in some ht's disease was produced arti- y. Painful reading to lovers of ani- mals, but it means that certain experi- menters are, at least, to be called to account. No country exists, civilized or not, which tolerat: America, these useless cruelties. IKE: And do yez believe in the reecall of judges, Pat? Pat: That I do not. The last time I was up before his honor he sez: “T recall that face. Sixty days.” Am agin the recall of judges LEFT BY THE TIDE Short Directions For Busy People 'O find a needle in a haystack—sit down on i To remove stains from a character —marry money. To enjoy yourself at your wife's dinner party—stay away. * To hold a book properly—consult a book-maker. To keep creases in trousers—remove the girl from your lap. To plant a garden—hire a planter. To rest quietly in a strange bed— close all the windows and turn on the gas. To cure a cold—make an applica- tion of about fourteen days. If cold continues, double the dose, UFFRAGE glass houses. S$ shouldn't live in comicbooks.com