Life, 1913-06-19 · page 45 of 52
Life — June 19, 1913 — page 45: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains two satirical pieces. The top poem is a parody of Lewis Carroll's "Jabberwocky," replacing nonsense words with American college names (Harvard, Yale, Dartmouth, Cornell, etc.) fighting each other in mock-heroic battle. It's gentle satire of collegiate rivalry and pretension. The lower piece, "Alabama's Model Laws," is sharper political satire. It mocks Alabama's deliberately weak child labor laws by praising them with heavy irony—calling them a model despite their "ambiguity, inefficiency, inexplicitness and inadequacy." The piece sarcastically suggests these inadequate laws are actually *perfect* because they allow employers to exploit child workers without legal restriction. It's exposing how Alabama crafted loopholes into legislation specifically to permit child labor in factories, framing regulatory failure as achievement.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
ts,’ an her ex- but er. ned hers often of a ating The Almamaterwocky ‘WAS harvard and the Ielandstan Did yale and dartmouth in the penn. All cornell was the Uofkan And princetoned in its den. “ Beware the oterbein, my son, The syracusan polytech, The amherst beast, the hamilton, The brynmawr, too, by beck.” He took his kenyon sword in hand. Long time the purdue foe he sought. Then oskaloosed the swarthmore land And gave a mighty swat. And as in vassar thought he stood, The otterbein, with eyes aflame, Depauwed from out the wellesley wood And wabashed as it came. O kalamazoo and Iehigh, too! The rutgers pratted. O alack! He left it dead and with its head, He then annarbored back. “ And hast thou slain the otterbein? It is tulane, my beloit boy. Oh smith! O brown! Oh me! Oh mine!” He bucknelled in his joy. Ellis O. Jones. te-chaser as. go as far as y yn. You can ner Il follow you, ht into the gld “OPEN ALL NIGHT” THOOS: BRAINY DIET No Foods Sold Fat, oil, batter, and cream, certainly caused my catarrh ai deafness, but your diet of leah meata green venezablea, fruits, ete.. cured me in a few weeks. My complexion improved Yonderfully, brain power increased. and my financial success war iiessed Gsficiency or excean of certain foods causesdifferent d t combinations and quantities cure fear cnet ous di specified in“ New Brainy tem,” sent te. crafgnee of Fe Sex Problems Paino IWeenta. GH RINKLER, Fee Food| ‘Lapet F PROOF STEEL For Automobiles and Motorcycles $30 and Up Easy to put up. Portable. ‘ All sizes. Postal brings latest illustrated catalog. THE EDWARDS MFC. ¢0. 396-386 Eqzleston Ave., Cincinnati, 0. When a flood sweeps over a vast area, desolating the cities and towns ‘which lie in its course, the appeal |for assistance gets a unanimous re- /sponse from the whole country. With all. commercial and social order wiped out, an afflicted com- munity is unable to do for itself. It must draw upon the resources of the nation of which it is a part. In such an emergency, the tele- /phone gives its greatest service when it carries the voice of distress "The Voice of Reconstruction to the outside world, and the voice of the outside world back to those suffering. At the most critical time, the near- est telephone connected and work- ing in the Bell System affords instant communication with distant places. And always the Bell System, with its extensive resources and reserve means, is able to restore its service promptly, and in facilitating the work of rebuilding, performs one of its highest civic functions. | AMERICAN TELEPHONE AND TELEGRAPH COMPANY AND ASSOCIATED COMPANIES Every Bell Telephone is the Center of the System authority of an Alabaman, too. is happy and contended and care free. different caliber. No wonder she is proud of herself. can make laws, but to make laws which are not laws—ah, that requires acumen of a Alabama, we bow to thy superiority. Alabama’s Model Laws TATES desiring to pass child labor laws which will not keep children out of the factories are hereby respectfully referred to Alabama. Dr. W. H. Oates, State P Alabama, says that the laws pertaining to the employment of childr conspicuous by their ambiguity, inefficiency, inexplicitness and inadequacy. What more could be asked of child labor laws than that? It is enough to make the most successful of employers rub his hands in undisguised glee. We have this on the son Inspector of in Alabama are No wonder Alabama Any of us comicbooks.com