Life, 1913-06-05 · page 22 of 52
Life — June 5, 1913 — page 22: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains two satirical pieces mocking early 20th-century social conventions. **"Matrimonial Realism"** inverts typical wedding announcements by describing marriage as a disaster for everyone involved—the bride's mother is "prostrated," her father facing bankruptcy, the groom's mother convinced her son was "captured" at gunpoint, and the groom himself appears vacant and unaware of what happened. The satire targets the emotional and financial toll weddings inflict on families and the often-loveless nature of marriages, where women are portrayed as empty-headed and men as reluctant participants. **"An Historical Correction"** reimagines Humpty Dumpty as a cautious survivor who escapes the wall, locks himself in a vault, and proves the king's men wrong. The punchline mocks newspaper unreliability—the King learns the true story but dismisses it as "newspaper report," then casually raises the cost of living. This satirizes both media credibility and political indifference to economic hardship.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
mEGSE A BRIDE OP A KNIGHT Matrimonial Realism HE way a wedding an- nouncement ought to read: “We have grave news to impart to our readers. Mr. Duane Smith and Miss Emily Brown were married yesterday The bride's mother is still prostrated and little hope is entertained for her recov: The bride’s father is on the verge of bankruptcy and is still wondering why fate cursed him with a daughter. The bride’s friends are doing their best to console her, but as many of them warned her before the ceremony that she was marrying an empty-headed clothing dummy, their con- solations chiefly take the form of ‘I told you so.” The bridegroom's mother did all she could to prevent the marriage and insists that the bride captured her son at the point of a pistol; nothing can convince her that he would be so false to his filial duty as to propose to any woman. yn The bridegroom's father is the only one who passed through the operation successfully, and he is grinning be- hind closed doors at having succeeded in getting some one else to worry about his son’s future. The bridegroom's expression is, if anything, a little more vacant than it was before the marriage; he looks as if he has not yet been informed as to what actually hap- pened An Historical Correction Hoepry DUMPTY sat on the wall. He cocked an alert ear, then climbed down gingerly. On the ground inside he felt anxiously of his shell and scampered away to his dwelling. He closed and barred the door, drew the shutters and went cautiously down the stairs—stepping lightly so that he might not jumble his white and yolk. In the cellar he locked himself into a massive vault, built of strong masonry, and lined with fire-brick, asbestos and armor-plate. The King’s horses, bearing the King’s men, arrived at the wall all out of breath. The King’s men looked ex- pectantly over the wall at the ground inside. They looked again to make sure. The King’s men went back and told the King the exact truth, “Humph!" quoth the King sagely, “I ought to have known better than to put any dependence upon a news- paper report.” Then the King ordered a dinner of roast beef, lifted the cost of living another notch and called for his fiddlers three. Charles Campbell Jones THE BRIDE LIGHTS HEk NEW GAS STOVE The bride is almost as prostrated as her mother; fof, two minutes after the ceremony, she received a proposal from a.umplii-millionaire, which, through some oversight on the part of the rich man’s secretary, was delayed in transmission. The guests are yet groaning over the expense of the presents they were obliged to give and the inadequate breakfast served on the wedding morning. Altogether, the wedding has resulted in general dis- satisfaction and gloom. It is believed that as soon as the thing can be done with good grace, the bride will buy a ticket to Reno, in the meantime carefully preserving the proposal from the multi-millionaire.” comicbooks.com