Life — May 29, 1913 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

1070 Sanctum Talks With a Talkative Gentleman . How are you, Lire?” “Why, how do you do, Mr. Marshall. Did you come in to make a speech?” “Why do you ask such an imper- tinent question?” “Because, if you have we'll open up the windows and call in a crowd, I consider it is a patriotic duty not to let anything you say escape anybod: No, Lire, 1 have not come in to make a speech.” “Then I can’t imagine what you are here for, Mr. Marshall.” “J have come in to make a confes- sion, Honestly, now Lire; am I mak- ing too much of an ass of myself? “That would be impossible, Mr. Marshall. Remember, that nobody can make too much of an ass of him- self in this country. You know it has been tried before.” “Yes, Lire; but never in the way that I am doing it, and sometimes | feel secretly dismayed” “That is natural, Mr. Marshall. Anybody who tries to make public the office of Vice-President would have that feeling.” “But that is not the worst of it, Lire. I have a secret conviction that J am a novice in those larger matters of patriotism which are now engross- ing the attention of the world.” “That ought not make you feel dis- mayed, Mr. Marshall. If you were not a novice then you might feel that way.” “You mean— ?” “Never mind, Mr. Marshall. with your tale of woe.” “T don't know whether I have a genius for saying the wrong thing at the right time or the right thing at the wrong time.” “Why split hairs?” “T don’t know whether I will ever learn any better or not.” It is not important if you don't, Mr. Marshall.” “But Lire! Don’t I amount to any- thing, and isn’t anybody ever going to care? Why, the papers have quoted me quite largely.” “This is the silly season, Mr. Mar- shall. They've got to have something to talk about.” Go on WHY NOT A MUNICIPAL GRANDFATHER'S CLOCK? “But Lire! The worst of it is that 1am really at heart a patriot and I really have brains, and I really am anxious to do the right thing! “Ah! Mr. Marshall, now you have struck the keynot: “What do you mean?” “The trouble with you is not that you are such a tyro, not that you are reprehensibly and maliciously advertis- ing this office of Vice-President, but Mr. Marshall——" “Go on, Li what is it? “You are too modest. That is the great trouble with you. Get over it!” “Well I will do the best I can, Lire.” “Good for you, Mr. Marshall, That is all we could ever expect from any Vice-President. Good morning.” “Good morning, Lirt.” With an Insurgent Lady “(OOD morning, Lire.” “Good morning, Mrs. Pank- hurst. By the way, would you mind setting that bomb outside of the door? No, not next to the fireplace. Thanks.” “May T have a word with you, Lire, on the quiet?” “Certainly. First, ma you some refreshment?” “No, thank you. [ weeks ago.” “But I insist!” “No, Lire. You may insist: with others, but not with me. Well, then, proceed.” “T want to tell you something in the strictest confidence. You don’t under- stand m “ How I not offer dined three singular, Mrs. Pankhurst, considering that you are a woman.” “Perhaps I should be more explicit I mean that you don’t understand my actions.” “TL thought they seemed plain; but, then, I am not especially good at diagnosis.” “Now, Lire, none of that. Here is the point. The ave: glishman is a brute. For hundreds of years he has abused his women, The only way to teach him any better is to blow hin up.” “Well, Mrs. Pankhurst, go on.” “So that is what we are doing. We are going to blow up everything in England before we get through. There won't be anything or anybody left but Bernard Shaw and me. comicbooks.com