Life, 1913-03-06 · page 35 of 72
Life — March 6, 1913 — page 35: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This is a morality fable disguised as bedtime entertainment, satirizing American social hypocrisy around the early 20th century. **The characters represent archetypes:** Mr. Church embodies organized religion and moral authority; Mr. Averageman represents the ordinary person; Mr. Links symbolizes worldly temptation (likely golf, given the "white ball" and course details—a leisure activity considered frivolous). **The satire's point:** Despite Mr. Church's stern moral preaching (frightening people about damnation), Mr. Averageman remains unmoved by conscience. When Mr. Links offers secular pleasure, Mr. Church responds not with deeper theology but by escalating spectacle—hiring brass bands, peroxide blondes, lecturers, and vaudeville—essentially out-competing worldly entertainment with religious showmanship. **The joke:** Religion becomes just another entertainment commodity. Mrs. Averageman's indifference throughout underscores that none of this—church or leisure—truly changes behavior. The satire critiques both the hypocrisy of nominal religiosity and the era's increasingly commercialized, sensationalized approach to faith.
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‘LIFE* Bedtime Stories MR. LINKS AND MR. CHURCH ID you ever hear the story of Mr. Links and) Mr. Church?” said Mr. Oracle to Bright Eyes as they on the sat one d. id trestle looking off at a tall steeple in the distance that needed railro; painting very badly, “No,” said Bright Eyes. “Do tell me what happened?” “Well,” said Mr. Oracle.“ Mr. Church was a very he use terribly “And how did he asked Bright . “Well, he told them awful stories about what would happen to them after they died. And then there was Mr Averageman; he used to go and see Mr. Church all of the time. Mr. Church, you see, had a house with a peak-shaped roof, and Mr. Averag inan used to go in there every week and listen to Mr. Church.” “And what did Mr. Averageman do in between times old resident and to go around scaring people re them?” “Oh, he just went right on doing as he had always done; cheating his neighbors and drinking whiskey and playing the races and concealing things from Mrs. Averageman; and then when Mr. Church got hold of him he would feel awfully bad all the morn- ing and sometimes the afternoon, but he would aly t over it all ri the next day; until finally Mr. Links came along “What kind of a man was Mr, Links?" asked Bright es. Was he a real nice, woolly kind of a man?” Yes, indeed; Mr. Links just loved to get out in the open air, and his THE ANSWER TO THIS REBUS WILL BE cheeks were red and his nose was red and he wore red clothes, and oh, how he did love to walk, and he was mighty reful of where he wa ked; he used to have places all marked out for him and little bunkers to jump over and little lakes on the side, and he had a cosy little house, where he would sit and sip tea and .chocolate and cock- tails and highballs when he got through; and one day he met Mr. Averageman and he beckoned him away, but Mr. Ave: head.” seman shook his That was Eyes, “WI for?” funny,” said Bright at did he shake his head “Because he was not wise to the game,” said Mr. Oracle. “ He thought Mr. Links was trying to bunco him. You see, he had been going with Mr Church so long that he was kind of suspicious of everybody.” “ And then what did Mr. Links do?” asked Bright Eyes. “Mr. Links took out a little white ball and he said to Mr. Averageman: “You just keep your eye on this ball and follow me” And what do you suppose happenec “Oh, I know,” said Bright Eyes, clapping her hands. “He cut out Mr. Church and he never went there any more.” “Oh, yes he did.” said Mr. Oracle. “His wife made him go once or twice nd then Mr, Church, he ranted Med Mr. Averageman back, but, you see, Mr. Averageman had his eye fixed on that white ball, and still Mr. Church was not satisfied.” “What did he do then?” “Well, he hired a brass band and more, 2 and he shouted and he ca e. 475 he hired a lot of peroxide blondes, and the peroxide blondes sang and sang, and still, Mr. stayed Averageman away “And th ked Bright Eyes.” “Then he hired some more people. He hired lecturers and_ professional what did he do? humorists and moving pictures and vaudeville performers.” “And what was Mrs, Averageman ving all of this time?” asked Bright yes, “Well, you sce, she was busy with other things. She was kind of fickle, she never could keep her anywa mind on one thing very long, and after she tried to get Mr. Averageman to go once or twice, she gave it up.” “And what is Mr. Church doing now?” asked Bright Eyes. “He is ing an awful time, and everybody is sorry for him, except some cruel people who say that he is a back number, anyway. Don't you feel sorry for him, Bright Eyes?” At this leading question Bright Eyes thought for a long time. Finally she put her hand in Mr. Oracle's and said wistfully: “Yes. I do feel sorry for Mr. Church, but, then again, I feel sort of glad for Mr. Links.” Inarbitrable HE Lion and the Unicorn were fighting for the crown “One moment!” the Unicorn called out. * Wouldn't it be more in con- sonance with the spirit of the age, and more befitting the genius of a great to refer this ma and free peopl to The Hague But the Lion shook his head. “ The upperness of the upper dog,” declared the noble beast, “is not properly sub- ject to arbitration.” comicbooks.com