Life, 1913-01-30 · page 29 of 36
Life — January 30, 1913 — page 29: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This is a satirical advertisement disguised as humorous verse, targeting a specific problem of the era: **watered-down whisky**. The protagonist, Thompson, discovers his bottle of whisky has been diluted—likely by evaporation or, humorously suggested, by his cat. The "mark" on the bottle shows the original level, but the flavor has disappeared. The joke hinges on a real consumer frustration: purchased spirits losing quality through unknown means. The satire mocks both the problem and the solution: a new "Protective Bottle" from **Johnnie Walker** whisky that features a special stopper preventing refilling. Thompson's relief is comedic—he'd rather switch entirely to whisky than trust his liquor's integrity. This appears designed for post-Prohibition America, when whisky quality and authenticity were legitimate consumer concerns. The ad weaponizes the joke against competitors' inferior products while promoting the superiority of aged, protected Johnnie Walker bottles.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
out Irise vhen king t: : The Lay of the Lonesome Lodger Poor Thompson was weary. He'd been to a show, Because he'd no home, and had no place to go. “No home,” did we say? It is true he'd a ‘* room,” But he dwelt there alone, in bachelor gloom. He had one comfort left: it cheered him to think That when he got home he would have a good drink. A bottle was always awaiting him there ; (The label was squint, but the bottle was square !) And now, as he thought of the flavor in store, He hurried his diggings-ward footsteps the more. The bottle he'd “ marked,” and had placed on the shelf, To see if the ‘cat’ had been helping herself. But when he'd reached home, and had poured out his glass, He found that the flavor had altered, alas! Right up to the “ mark "—he was sure "twas his own— The contents still reached—but the flavor had flown! “Though ¢hin,” he exclaimed, ‘I declare it’s ‘too thick.’ I'll alter my digs—to my whisky I'll stick ! “It's ‘up to the mark’ in the guantity—yes ; But, thanks to the water, the quality’s less ! “| wish that some genius would work with a will, To make a new bottle that wouldn't refill! ” Next morning he told his best friend of his woes. «« Why, look here,” cried his friend, ‘right under your nose “Ts just what you're looking for. Read this new ‘ad’ A protective bottle at last can be had.” Cried Thompson : ‘* New stopper! You can’t pour it bac By Jove! I believe that they're on the right track ! « And—luck double-headed !—old Johnnie Walker! Talk of ‘ good tidings '—this ‘ad' ts a talker! «Both ‘Red’ and ‘ Black’ Labels—aged ten and twelve years— No more substitution! An end to my fears!" VOIININNE VAZAGIA ER RED Label (“)/) BLACK Label (200) To safeguard these ages, the policy of the distillers for the future is the same as their policy of the past. First and foremost to see that the margin of stocks over sales is always large enough to maintain the unique quality. HOW TO POUR Tilt the bottle quickly, nearly upside down. If the whisky does not flow freely, give the bottle a slight shake to set the valve in motion. If you have any difficulty in obtaining Johnnie Walker whisky in the new “Protective Bottle,” send us a postal card with the name of your dealer, and we will see that you are supplied. Address : WILLIAMS & HUMBERT, Agents, 1158 Broadway, New York. comicbooks.com