Life — January 16, 1913 — page 30: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

OUR. FOOLISH CONTEMPORARIES At Singapore and Timbuctoo When I lived at Singapore, It was something of a bore To receive the bulky Begums who came trundling to my door; ] They kept getting into tangles } With their bingle-bongle-bangles, And the tiger used to bite them as he sat upon the floor. j When I lived in Timbuctoo, Almost every one I knew Used to play upon the sackbut, singing toodle-doodle-doo. And they made cestatic ballads, And consumed seductive salads, Made of chicory and hickory and other things that grew. —Laura E. Richards in The Argonaut. Good for Adults or Infants Mike came to the doctor about nine o'clock with the information that their month-old baby would not sleep a wink. The doctor gave Mike sleeping powders for the baby. The next day he met Mike on the street. “Well, how did the powders work?” asked the doctor, “Them powders, Doc,” answered Mike, “sure did the trick.” “ Made the baby sleep, did they “No, that they didn’t, Doc. We gave the darlint a dose, just as you told me, but it wouldn't shleep at all, at all; so we just took a dose o’ thim powders oursils, we did, and went right off to shleep, and niver heard the darlint cry one bit any more.”—Lippincott’s, = Oct. C. Blache & Co.,78 Broad St., New York, Gen'l Distes GIBSON’S RYE A WHISKEY OF TRADITIONS RADITIONAL for high quality, absolute Purity, satisfying richness, velvety mellowness, T delightful fragrance — nearly 80 years the whiskey standard of the world. Every drop of Gibson's is made from selected, matured Caroni Bitters. Tones the stomach—stimulates appetite, Im- proves life and flavor of any cocktail, Try them and be satisfied. tye and sparkling sprin; Perature, and held in money can buff of your deald ter; ripened ina fixed tem- Gigriginal wood. We especially 1900—the finest old whiskey ed from o arerooms to order We Ship On Approval PREPAY FREIGHT AND ALLOW 30 Days Free Trial The best ‘‘Nonskid’’ punc- ture-proof device on earth for automobiles and motorcycles, Try Them At Our Expense Be your own judge—don't take anyone's word for it. “The proo) of the pudding is in the eating.” It Only Costs One Cent to learn our unheard of prices and marvelous guarantee on “Brictson” Detachable Treads. Write Today for Full Particulars The Brictson ,Mfg. Co. 4313 Brictson Building BROOKINGS, S. D. volt S| LONG-LEG' 5 JEAN “WEBSTER , Variety In answer to Mrs. S—'s advertise- ment for a laundress, Ellen, a darky, black as the ace of spades, applied for | the work, With her was a group of small darkies, some black, some brown, and some yellow. Mrs. all these children were E latter replied : ] Yas'm, they’s all mine.” | But, Ellen,” said Mrs. S—, are all different colors.” “Yas'm; you see it's like dis, My first husband was black like me, my | secon’ was brown, an’ the one I got | now he belongs to the fair sex.” —Harper’s Magazine. He Was More Than Cool “Tell me,” said the lady to the old soldier, “were you cool in battle?” “Cool?” said the truthful veteran, “why, I fairly shivered.” —Ladies’ Home Journal. Easily Pleased “What is an optimist?” “An optimist is a cross-eyed man who is thankful that he isn’t bow- legged.”—Cincinnati Enquirer. Gane Otiver Wenpett Hotes was a class- mate of Dr. Clarke at Harvard, and ac- cording to the reminiscences of the lat- ter, the Autocrat of the Breakfast Table was as witty then as later. One day the two were talking of metaphysics, when the bright-tongued little great man ex- claimed: “I'll tell you, James, what I think metaphysics is like. It is like a man splitting a log. When it is done he has two more to split Argonaut. Wine Jelly when flavored with Abbott's Bitters is made more delightful and healthful. Sample of bitters by mail, 25 cents, instamps. C, W, Abbott & Co., Baltimore, Md. 7 comicbooks.com