Life, 1912-11-07 · page 43 of 60
Life — November 7, 1912 — page 43: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page mixes satirical humor with advertising. The left column, titled "Directions for Passing a Safe and Sane Thanksgiving," is **satirical advice** mocking overly restrictive, joyless approaches to the holiday. It quotes fictional killjoys like "Dr. Hardface" and "Rev. Dr. Longtalk" who advocate avoiding all pleasure—no rich food, fun, laughter, or play—treating Thanksgiving as a solemn duty rather than celebration. The joke is that the "helpful suggestions" (reading *Pilgrim's Progress* backward, memorizing Henry James novels, copying car ads) are absurdly tedious, suggesting that denying yourself enjoyment leads to pointless busywork. This mocks puritanical or excessively austere attitudes toward holidays. The right side is a straightforward **Pennsylvania Railroad advertisement** for the "Pennsylvania Special" train to Chicago, unrelated to the satire. A small humor item at bottom features a wife's domestic joke. The satire reflects early 20th-century debates about modern leisure, morality, and whether holidays should emphasize restraint or enjoyment.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Directions for Passing a Safe and Sane Thanks giving 1—Strictly avoid turkey, chicken, pastries, candies, nuts and all delicacies on this day. (We quote from Dr. Hardface: “Anything that brings a cmile takes away from the energy of the muscles that aid digestion, and is therefore harmful. Back to the simple life. Dolls have been known to live jor years on sawdust.”) 2—A sixth of a small orange can hurt no one if consumed at the close of a plain, sensible meal. 3—Funny. stories shall be conscien- ously shunned. These stories tend coward an obviovs frivolity—what about meditation? (The Rev. Dr. Longtalk says: “How can a person who listens to one of my three-hour brand of sermons on ‘The Spirit of Thanksgiving’ attend a football game or rich dinner and be grateful? It is impossible !”) 4—Refrain from sleigh rides or snowballing. Horses frequently try to demolish sleighs. Snowballs have wrought a world of criminal destruc- tion. And abuse and waste of prop- erty is contrary to all the nobler prin- ciples of exemplary life. (Again, from Dr. Hardface: “ Rowdyism, as prac- tised in our homes on Christmas and Thanksgiving, is a heinous portent of coming anarchy, and should be abol- ished, It can only lead to excessive laughter and youthful pranks. Many a criminal once had a good time on Thanksgiving.”) 5—As these hints have been nega- tive, we append a brief series of acts that can lead to no physical or moral harm: (1) Spend the day in reading “Pilgrim's Progress ” backwards; (2) sterilize an ounce of maple sugar and nibble at it infrequently; (3) commit to memory the entire list of Henry James's novels and give definitions where needed; (4) cut out the pic- tures of Champ Clark which you find in back files of newspapers and magazines—cord them neatly; (5) write ten stanzas on “Law = and Freedom”; burn these and write an- other and a better ten, and (6) if your Thanksgiving Day is yet hang- ing heavily, take the current issue of Lire and copy all the automobile ad- vertisements, giving a reason for your action. -Roscoe Gilmore Stott. Mus. Jones: Why are you going home $0 soon? Surely your husband can get along without you. Mrs. Suirm: T know it. But I don’t want him to find out that he can, Nese York World. “Pennsylvania Special” the all-steel over-night limited train that makes the run every day between Pennsylvania Station, Seventh Avenue and Thirty-Second Street, New York—only one block from Broadway—and HICAGO in 18 hours with every appointment for comfort and every facility for an evening of case and a night of rest. | Superior dining car service. Leaves New York Arrives Pennsylvania Station Hudson Terminal Chicago 4.00 P. M. 3.55 P.M. 8.55 A. M. Returning leaves Chicago 2.45 P. M., arrives New York 9.40 A. M. Yi) PENNSYLVANIA RAILROAD comicbooks.com