Life, 1912-10-31 · page 18 of 44
Life — October 31, 1912 — page 18: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This satirical piece presents a telephone conversation between "Life" (the magazine) and the Republican Party (G.O.P.), personified as a sick patient. The Republican Party describes itself as suffering from multiple ailments: "rigor mortis of the graft processes," "acute indigestion of the tariff," and "torpidity of the trust question"—all references to contemporary political scandals and policy debates of the early 1900s. The satire mocks the GOP's corruption (grafts), protectionist trade policies (tariff troubles), and failure to regulate monopolistic trusts. The "senile decrepitude" diagnosis and prescription for "complete rest" away from Washington suggest the party needs radical reform. The dark joke about needing spiritual rebirth adds moral critique. The accompanying Babel cartoon reinforces the theme: when someone asks how to solve the "Trust question," confusion erupts—suggesting monopoly regulation had become incomprehensibly contentious political territory, rendering rational discourse impossible.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THE CRUFL ARCHER On Life’s Wire es ELLO, ts that Lire?” “Yes, this is Lire.’ his is the G. O. P. speaking.” “Oh, hello. Glad to hear your voice. mencing to worry about you. “ Pretty poorly.” “No better?” “Very little. me.” “What do the doctors seem to think about your case?” “Oh, Lire, you know the doctors. They differ as usual Some think it's rigor mortis of the graft processes. Some think it’s acute indigestion of the tariff. Some think it's torpidity of the trust question.” “Mercy, it's more serious than we thought.” “T knew you weren't cognizant of the extent of the trouble, Lire. It’s really terrible. Why, do you know, one doctor even declares I am suffering from senile decrepi tude.” “No, Surely it can’t be so bad as that. Let’s see. You are only in your fiftics.” “T know it, but lived pretty high. You know even the strongest of constitutions will break down if it is not used properly.” “That's true. What are you doing for it?” “That's just it, Lire. I don’t know what to do. The doctors have ordered a change of climate and so I shall have to move away from Washington for a while. 1 must h a complete rest, with no responsibilities, Aud then 1 may have to undergo several operations. y lobby will have to be cut out and several of my affiliations may have to be removed. But I haven't told you the worst.” “Ts there something worse?” “Yes, my soul.” “Your soul?” “Yes, they say that lest I be born again I cannot enter the kingdom of Washington.” “Goodness, that complicates the case very materially.” “Tt certainly docs.” “Too bad, old man. you?” “Not yet, Lire. We were com- How are you feeling?” It has been a terribly hard summer on Is there anything we can do for I just called up to warn you against AND THE jumping to conclusions. out all right.” “That's the way to talk.” “ And, above all, Lire, don’t publish my obituary until you actually have to.” “Oh, no, we wouldn't do that.” “Thank you, Lire. Such sympathy in my hour of trib- ulation touches me deeply. Good-by.” “ Good-by.” Sit steady and I think I'll pull E. 0. J. Its Beginning > HE building of the Tower of Babel was progressing nicely when suddenly someone asked: “ How are we going to solve the Trust question?” Thence arose such a confusion of tongues that no one has been able to understand anyone else ever since. ADIRONDACK GUIDE BIDDING HIS FAMILY ADIEU comicbookeele