Life — October 31, 1912 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“| ELLO, Lire.” “Why, hello, Mr. What accident landed you here?” “No accident, Lire, 1 assure you, but the regular thing with me. I just cropped in to talk over things and get your advice. You know I'm a busi- ness man.” “Yes, Mr. Mellen, so I've heard.” “Well, then, what I want to know is if you think it will pay me to im- prove my road any more.” “Good gracious! No! Mr. Mellen. Isn't your road improved enough al- ready? Don't you run real wooden parlor cars on it? They must be twenty years old, or more, but sull——" “Now, Lire, you misunderstand me. 1 don't refer to improvements like that : but I mean real, genuine luxuries, in- stead of spending my money Iuying up more legislatures or trolley “For instance, Mr. Mellen? “Well, if you were in my place, would you provide seats in front of the bulletin boards of incoming trains so that people who are waiting for their friends will have a place to rest when they learn that those friends have been burned up or crippled, as the case may b “That might be a good idea.” “Would you have a staff of doctors and special ambulances at the station su that our passengers when they are run over and mangled can be treated, or is this too much? “Rather too much.” Mellen. “L, PPE & “Well, would you do this? Would you spend money on trestles, real steel “ears and safer cross-overs, and on such a system that people who are forced to use my road will have a reasonable certainty of escaping alive in case of accident?” “Do you want my candid opinion, Mr. Mellen?” ” Certainly.” “Then I wouldn't do it. I'd keep right on just you are doing now— ulting as many passengers per diem as is necessary, disregarding the rights of others, blaming all accidents upon underpaid employces and doing as you d—n please.” “But why, Lire?” “Well, Mr. Mellen, because your reputation for generosity and courtesy and humanity is already so firmly es: tablished in the hearts of all concerned that it would be a waste of time and an injustice to your stockholders to spend a lot of money in such a rec lessly superfluous manner. Don't do it, Mr. Mellen—it won't pay.” “T won't. Tl be firm for once. ks, Lire. Good morning.” “Don't mention it, Mr. Mellen. Au revoir!” Already Supplied “THEY talk of introducing a voting machine for use in future city elections.” “A voting machine? What's the matter with Tammany Hall?” If F you were but a Climber And | a Suffragette; We'd cut up lots of capers, And get in all the papers; We'd rise to heights sublimer Than any mounted yet, If you were but a Climber, And I a Suffragette! If you were but a Humbug, And T were but a Fake; We'd give expensive lectures, Divulge occult conjectures ; Elucidating some bug To make the Public wake; If you were but a Humbug, And I were but a Fake. If you were Mona Lisa, And I the Missing Lin! We'd be discovered dul; And verified most truly; And then some highbrow geezer Would write us up in ink; If you were Mona Lisa And I the Missing Link! If you were Mr. Roosevelt, And I were Mr. Taft; We'd meet with fond embraces And smiles upon our faces; Ignoring how our foes felt, Or how the papers chaffed; If you were Mr. Roosevelt, And I were Mr. Taft. Carolyn Wells. The Blind One: wet.o, Ja YOU'RE FEELING WELL, HOW DO YoU LOOK? comicbooks.co