Life — October 24, 1912 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

‘LIFE: Ode to the Big Bull Moose VE turned me loose !— O'er fields of snowy To prance, cavort and caper, To sing the Big Bull Moose The One Best Bet in Pious Politics, At whom my friends are mostly heaving bricks. The Bull Moose is galloping over the wold, And he loudly refuses to do as he’s told. He tosses his antlers and goes it alone, For he scorns all conventions—excepting his own. And he gives not a whoop nor the faintest of darns For Penrose or Archbold or Hilles or Barnes; And the cohorts of Wilson are chortling with glee, O'cr the wreck he has made of the dear G. O. P. Hail to thee Bright Mammal! Elk without a peer, Something like a camel, Something like a deer, Deprived of thee how dull would be our Presidential Year! With a cyclone’s power, Verbally prolific, Gaily thou dost scour, West to the Pacific, Flinging pungent epithets and phrases calorific. Like a locomotive, Dressed in coat and trousers, Calling forth the votive Cheers of wild carousers, Barking out Eternal Truths in accents much like Towser's. Like a hot potato, Dangerous to squeeze, Like another Plato, Like Demosthenes, Like a thousand other things at least as great as these! Then, Big Bull Moose (Alces Americanus), Long may you rove the shaggy-timbered acres! True, Dr. Long insists your deeds are heinous, But was he not the first of Nature Fakers? And brave you are—what Paladin is bolder !— And feared by prowling wolves (see Thompson-Seton). With palmate horn, keen hoof and mighty shoulder, Your road through tangled wilds is forced and beaten: Your full-blown challenge sounds, Defiant Bugler, And rivals flee, vamoose, skedaddle, hook it Though Mr. Taft has called you “ Honeyfugler,” Whatever that may be, you do not look it. The French explorers called you “I'orignac,” Which means “The Beast Original,” “The Freak.” And those, to-day, who paint you deepest black Admit that you are certainly unique. (Though Bryan dares to claim You've prigged his best apparel Until, for very shame He's forced to wear a barrel.) But in the Red Man's “ Who's Who” Your name was entered “ Musu,” Which si “Wood-ca Could anything be neater To indicate unparalleled dentition, And jaws that masticate all opposition? Enough of zo-ologic etymology ! lf Elephant and Donkey have their uses, May not my Panegyric or Apology Inform a Troubled Nation what a Moose is? O Moose Abstruse, xalted ‘mbol, Enfranchised housewives cast away the thimble, Magnetic Moose! At you, the Socialists, In wild, bewildered anger shake their fists And shout abuse. And you, Diverting Mammal, The Safe, the Sane, the Timid fain would trammel, But what's the use? No matter who's on top, You've set things moving and they will not stop, Efficient Moose. For you, O, Writers, Artists! thankless generation, Think what you owe To him who ever raised a new sensation When things were slow! What swells your bank accounts? What makes your purses So roundly trim?— The sketches, articles, cartoons and verses Inspired by him Have put within the pockets of your jerkins More wealth than that of Munsey, yea, and Perkins! What's your excuse For saying, “ Deuce, Take the Moose! Great Quadruped, they scold your sportive ways, Asperse your words and deeds with tongue and quill. They liked you well enough in former days, As I, a Constant Person, like you still. So if (as they delight to dream) you are A Meteor already waxing pale, I'll hitch my wagon to that Shooting Star And go joy-riding on the Comet’s tail! Arthur Guiterman, | comicbooks.co