Life — September 19, 1912 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

1804 -LIFE: To Woodrow Wilson HAT? did you think to escape with impunity,— Hoping that Politics gave you immunity,— Trusting that while you were nailing a crook or two Folks would forget that you'd written a book or two? Nay, Dr. Wilson, you ought to know better, Sir Author and Pedagogue, here is your letter, Sir! n though your tears will be scalding and blistery I must confess, in regard to your History, (Parts, I have read of it, not every jot of it), That I don't think such a deuce of a lot of it. Though for the Bull Moose he’s put on his morion, A. Bushnell Hart is the keencr historian. Still there’s a fellow (in Gotham a resident) Who has decided to choose you for President, Not that he thinks such a terrible pile of you, Only he’s charmed with the scholarly style of you. Since Statesman you mean to employ yourself, Winning or losing, I hope you'll enjoy yourself. Fate for the moment is treating you pleasantly ; “ Spotless Reformer” they're calling you; presently, Sure as a steer is a matronly heifer's son, You'll be a Washington, Cleveland and Jefferson! Wait: Baron Munchausen and Judas Iscariot, Benedict Arnold and dear old Tiberius Ere the Sun makes a year in his chariot, Nero would scorn you! I'm solemnly serious, See how they're scolding with ravings hysteric, an Aspirant, lately the Foremost American! Almost as quick as the timepiece of Folly ticks Marvelous changes come over our politics. Nevertheless, if you chance to clect yourseli, Follow these maxims; they'll help you protect yourself: Always be gentle and kind to the newspapers. When you've been writing don’t leave any loose papers. Never be stubborn nor too argumentative. Coddle cach Senator, cach Representative ; firmness will fail unless Policy blends with it. with the Tariff—and always be friends with it. Bridle the zealous with careful repressiveness,— tened of too much Progressiveness. al, Business is. fri nconstitution. crything novel is L all revolutional, Popular measures are See that the laws that the Trust-buster puzzles on Always have collars and leashes and muzzles on Handle our idols with care, for they're breakable Smile on a world that’s as good as it’s m Beam on the erring with consummate c exceed even Ta Arthur Guiterman. “poppy, SHUT THAT DOOR, YOU HAVE LET ALL THE IN, NO, MAMMA, THERE'S ONE OUT HERE YET.” We Breathe Easier Mrs. Stuyvesant Fish is pleased with the conditions at Newport this summer.—New York Times. W have had a feeling for some time that things were better. Now that Mrs. fish has spoken, our about the tariff, the Panama Canal bills, the immi; question and a number of other matters of personal in- 1. nnot but deprecate the brevity terest to the country are all much mitig: On the other hand, we c with which Mrs. Fish’s announcement has been made in the Times. What did she have on when she said i Who was with her? Where was the thermometer? All these omissions reveal the fatal te journalism to shirk its plain duty in cons facts of world-wide importance. CUSTOMER: What have you in the way of summer fiction? Newsprater: We have the platforms of all the parties and the candidates’ speeches. jency of modern ntly. skimping comicbootiee us