Life, 1912-09-12 · page 45 of 52
Life — September 12, 1912 — page 45: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains two satirical pieces mocking bureaucratic incompetence and the simplified spelling movement that was gaining traction in early 20th-century America. **"The Middleman's Profit"** depicts a Brooklyn patrolman reporting a dead horse on Kosciusko Street. The sergeant orders him to file a report, but Mike (the patrolman) struggles to spell "Kosciusko," repeatedly asking how to spell it. The joke satirizes both police procedure's absurdity—requiring paperwork for a dead animal—and the difficulty of Polish immigrant names in New York. The punchline reveals the real "profit": bureaucracy creates busywork that serves no practical purpose. **The simplified spelling reference** mocks the "Kosciusko" spelling difficulty, likely alluding to Theodore Roosevelt's push for simplified American spelling (which was controversial at the time). The joke suggests that even with simplification efforts, practical communication remains difficult—especially when dealing with immigrant names and neighborhoods.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
“REF THE MIDDLEMAN’S PROFIT Simplified Spelling “There's a dead horse on Kosciusko Street,” announced a Brooklyn patrol- man, coming into the station after his day on duty. “Well, make out a report,” ordered the sergeant. Umbrel Always Ready Ittakes Just three seconds to hermes Cannot arcure one at ence, write to tact You will be promptly supplied. Booklet, s POCKET UMBRE LA STUDY AT HOME BECOME AN LL.B. Onty recogaized reaident law Bachelor of Laws—LL- B reepe scouctiog standard .. Conferrt ‘oni | ask to scethem at your dealer’s. nal creations of Eaton, Crane & Pike (rane’s Linen awn Che @orrect “Writin g Paper NOVELTIES Among the new ideas fresh from Paris may be especially emphasized the sheet with the edge turned over on the left, the monogram being stamped on this flap. s s s s ‘Also there dea new EW things give, such satisfaction as envelope with: an ua writing or receiving a letter upon usual cut to the flap. . . e . Perhaps the best 00d stationery. This is desired by every colorsever introduced woman who uses correspondence as a for fine stationery are the new " « A . ° means of cultivating social life. This shades of Crane’s Linen| season we are offering new fashions, origi- Lawn—Saxe Blue and Antelope. You must! Hyoucannot procuretheserapersfrom (Company, but reflecting the. best ideas yourstationer, writeusandwe will send you samples and give you the mame Of Paris and London as well as New York. of a stationer who will supply them. jo: EATON, CRANE & PIKE COMPANY ae ne New York Pittsfield, Mass. TRADE MARK TRADE MARE “Why, you make out the report, don’t “Stop bothering me,” the sergeant or- you, sergeant?” dered. “I'm no information bureau.” “TI don't. Make out your own reports, Pretty soon the patrolman got up, You've passed your civil service examina- cl.pped on his helmet, and started for tions.” the door. Mike equipped himself with a pen and “Where you goin’?"” demanded the began scratching laboriously. Presently sergeant. the scratching stopped. “ Sergeant “I'm a-goin’,” said the policeman, “to asked, “how d’you spell Kosciusko? " drag that dead horse-around into Myrtle “Giwan. You're writing that report.” Avenue.” —Everybody's. An interval of silence. Then: “ Ser- geant, how do you spell Kosciusko As A oop is that which turns yesterday’s Street? % . truth into to-day’s falschood. comicbooks.com