Life — August 1, 1912 — page 32: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Admonition The widower had just taken his fourth wife and was showing her around the village. Among the places visited was the churchyard, and the bride paused before a very claborate tombstone that had been erected by the bridegroom. Being a little nearsighted, she asked him to read the inscriptions, and in rever- cnt tones he read: “Here lies Susan, beloved wife of John Smith, and Jane, beloved wife of John Smith, and Mary, beloved wife of John Smith.” He paused abruptly and the bride, leaning forward to sce the bottom line, read ,to her horror “Be Ye Also Ready.” —National Monthly. PETROFLOWER cures «i Sample 2¢, stamp, Antonto Lea, His Bid \ Yorkshireman recently entered an auction mart. Looking around and catch- ing the auctioncer’s eye during a lull in the bidding, he shouted out loudly enough to be heard by all: “May I bid?” “ Certainly,” said the man of the ham- mer, thinking him a customer. All eyes being turned on the customer, he, making for the door, s: “Well, 1 hid you good-night, then.” The laughter which followed stopped lusiness for some time.—Tit-Bits. Wine Jelly when flavored with Abbott's Bitters is made more delightful and healthful. Sample of bitters by mail, 25 cents, in stamps. C. W, Abbott & Co., Baltimore, Md. ff aud makes balr grow. Four G/linder Tire Pump Eliminates the greatest bother connected with tire trouble. Merely connect the hose to the tire, throw a lever, and the pump works on the engine. Oiieage Otttee 1108 Michigan Avenue It will inflate a tire to any desired pressure in less than three minutes. . Adopted as standard equipment on many of the leading cars and recommended as special equipment on many others. Such endorsements by the foremost engineers in their profession should show that it’s the pump you want. When ordering your 1913 car, specify a Kellogg pump equipment. Your dealer will be glad to put one on your car. KELLOGG MFG. CO. Circle Street, An Unfair Advantage Prof. Brander Matthews at a literary dinner in New York said of a certain “best seller”: “The grammar is rather off. Its author lies open to the rebuke meted out to a Philadelphia author in the last century. This author had been, slashed in a review and he wrote to the reviewer and challenged him to a ducl. But the critic wrote back: ‘I have read your letter. It is as wretched as your book. You have called me out. Very well, I choose grammar. You are a dead man! "—Argonan Mistress: Well, to leave me, Mary. reason? (Mary keeps silent.) Mistress: Something private? Mary (suddenly): No, mum; please, mum, he’s a Lance corporal. —Illustrated Bits. ‘m sorry you want But what's your Frepois: What's an optimist, dad? Comswiccrr: He's the fellow doesn’t know what's coming to him, who In Camp, Cottage or Club wherever and whenever It is destred to promote solid comfort and | Insure the pleasure of everybody, make sure that there 1s oa hand ‘8 good supply of Itsurely opens the way to the completc enjoyment of all outing occasions, from a picnic to a house party. Always Reudy—Aiways Dependable—Always Enjoyable All Dealers. C, H. Evans & Sons, Hudson, N. Y. Rochester, N. Y. Sew Tork Office 1733 Broadway Ran Vraselace Ottlee 444 Market Street All the Water hits your body not your You peed no curtain or rubber cap 1a the newly discovered Kenney "ss23\° Shower Spray By a simple device all the water come: against the body and drops into the tub. Grop touches the walls or floors or your head. more curtai of water. No dribbling spray, but a generous needle gymnasium shower ‘Attach te to any bathtub ma minute wtihout foots—fold it case, Made of the Oneat nickel that only $5—you Ket the luxury ef the finest athletic needle shower for ove-Bfth of the cost ¢t an ordinary clumsy one, ‘Send $5 for yours on 10 days’ tal. Your money back If you're not pleased, ‘Or drop '& postal for fureher particulars, Dot today so yeu have your shower 1n time to keep cool and feel fi REDDAN SccaALET CO., 23 Wat Brwiy, New York She Didn't Object to That “Yes,” said the conscientious dealer, “this hammock will hold two, but it will be a tight squeeze.” “Oh, that will be all right!” said the maiden, blushing; “just send it around to the house, please.” —Ladies’ “So you say you're an old-time sailor. Did you ever have any accidents while at sea?" “Once, mum. I dropped a bowl of hot soup in an old lady's lap.” —Detroit Free Press. Home Journal. THE Ideal Bitters. CARONI—the only genuine. Why nothavethe best? They cost nomore. Once tried, always used. Oct. C. Blache & Co., 78 Broad St., New York, Gen'l Distrs. “Waar sort of a chap is Wombat to camp with?” “ He's one of these fellows who always takes down a mandolin about the time it's up to somcbody to get busy with the frying pan."—Lonisville Courier-Journal. shir lasei eam SECRETS OF TIE, UNDERWORLD comicboole y 2