Life — July 18, 1912 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

11 Penserosevelt: “Hence, vain, deluded toys, The brood of folly in a party bred, How little you bestead! Ye blinded crew that trust a rotting craft, Whose captain's name (with reason) Rhymes with Graft! ‘ Hence, Willie-wisps and daft!" Chorus of the Daft: “Hence! loathed Trumpet of Kids is Kids HE, U. S. Agriculture See., Is always on the works. Conditions right for sheep and dogs, Pure food for horses, cows and hogs, He'll have or break his neck. He says that it has been decreed, And wants it understood, That wholesome food and healthful play, Cheerful surroundings every way, Are things that young pigs need. And Piggy loves this world so fair; (We like him for his taste.) He's granted every wish and whim, His house and food are furnished him; For clothes he does not care. What of the mine and factory brat— The little human kid? We legislate for pork and ham; For childhood we don’t care a The laws are not for that. Will Herford. Rebellion’s sept—Big-noise yclept! To Blackest Treason born by Promises for- ‘swo! atan except. None ever higher sate In his own estimate— O Self-infatuate! (Conventional thunder as the parties sep- arate.) For the Protection of Magnates S there nothing to be done about pro- tecting our magnates from the in- sidious influence of philanthropy? With a paltry million accumulated one is comparatively safe. Nobody wants to give away any part of a mil- lion, The income from a million in these days is scarcely enough to justify one in being alive. But when your magnate begins to get twenty or thirty millions together, he becomes excite- able and nervous about them. In these circumstances, the temptation to be- come a philanthropist is irresistible. Once having yielded, your magnate is lost. He becomes hopelessly addicted to the habit. If our magnates might fall into the ways of philanthropists without harm to anyone else but themselves, there In One Minute You Can ROPOSE to a girl. Fall overboard. Miss the boat to Europe. Be hanged. Lose a fortune in the market. Kiss a girl from one to sixty times. Be kissed as many. . Acquire a fatal disease. Drop from a ten-story building. Take a cold bath. Run a hundred yards. Lose your job. Have your pocket picked. Write a check for a million. Make a good after dinner speech. Make a bad one. See the point of a joke. Be born. Die. Have a tooth pulled. Meet your affinity. Say the wrong thing. Lose a twosome. Say the Lord's Prayer. Swear a blue streak. Buy a gold brick. Sell one. Be led into words with your wiie. Be run over at a grade crossing. Read this. would be no complaint. But so many suffer from his indiscretions! Think of the colleges throughout the country that are flourishing to-day, just be- cause some magnate yielded to the temptation! Owing to the multiplicity of these colleges—most of them endowed by magnates—it is almost impossible to avoid an education. Everybody is being educated instead of doing some- thing really useful. The result of this wholesale system of education which has been thrust upon us by the magnates is that so many of us are all learning the same things, What is the use of everybody know- ing the same things? All educations are getting to be too much alike. They are like the packages of goods that come to us from the factory marked uniform. Each list is the same. You are invited to check it off, and if anything is missing communicate at once with headquarters. comicbooks.com