Life, 1912-05-02 · page 22 of 58
Life — May 2, 1912 — page 22: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This satirical piece parodies financial market reports by applying stock-market language to marriage prospects and domestic servants—both domains where women had limited economic agency. The "Matrimonial Market Reports" treats eligible men as tradeable commodities ("Bachelors, dull and unchanged"; "Widowers, lively; quickly snapped up"), while "Domestic Reports" discusses servants using bull/bear market terminology. A "Dumb waiters" pun plays on the furniture item. The "Fashion Reports" section extends the joke to women's clothing, treating garments as financial instruments ("net declines are imminent"). The final section, "A Few Tips for Woman Investors," offers tongue-in-cheek stock recommendations using puns on company names (e.g., recommending "Am. Loco" railroad stock for suffragettes, the word "loco" meaning crazy). The humor satirizes both women's limited financial independence and their reduction to objects of speculation and exchange in early-20th-century society.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
«LIFE The Woman’s Financial Page Matrimonial Market Reports Til new crop of society young men shows curious and unexpected movements, Inclined to bearishness. Bachelors, dull and unchanged. Widowers, lively; quickly snapped up. Clubmen, sensational advances. Best of financial back- ing, but unsteady, owing to excessive liquidation. College boys, strong, heavy, very active, No reserve. Rural products, country dressed, moving slowly, No demand. Domestic Reports The domestic situation is growing worse. The de- mand is desperate, but the supply is inadequate and dis- arpointing. Cooks show a declining movement. Wait- resses seem weak, though quoted at a good figure. Break- ing relations with China. Butlers are sluggish and inactive. This stock shows expansion, but sharp dealings are suspected. Chauffeurs, lively, with exciting effects. Plumbers, disappointing. Fail to rally. Gardeners, on resting orders. Parlormaids, common stock, but refined and quiet. Dis- turbing effects noticed. Do not fear local pressure. Dumb waiters show a sharp advance to the highest level. Probable suspension will be followed by a down- ward movement of pronounced character. Public wary. Fancy prices. Fashion Reports Hats are higher, with an upward tendency. fancy preferred. Evening gowns show sensational features. There is no surplus, and a slight falling off is noticed at the shoul- ders. Gloves show some snap, but are generally quiet in tone. Few dealers are selling shorts. Indications are that this stock will go into the hands of a receiver. Walking shoes show a little better support. Slipper heels, firm to higher. A slight bulge in sleeves is noticed, and collars show signs of stiffening. All stocks are smaller than they were a year ago and net declines are imminent, in favor of heavy lace. Standard stocks (old style) are selling at low rates. Foreign stocks show prohibitive prices. Owing to the recent rains, umbrellas have gone up rapidly and show evidence of liquidation. However, they are held firmly by their owners. Best quality stays firm. Good figures at high prices. French importations show pronounced features (often wrongly pronounced). Chic. and New quoted at $9.98 to $11.25, Kansas Straights at $18.75 per pair. Furs, bearish. Fox and wolf (skins), show piles of securities. Extra Southern Fashion reports summer gowns significantly light. Spot cotton in great demand. Good figures in the cotton belt. Quotations on Shirtwaists for the Week End Par | Value | Open | High | Low | | Lingerie. . 2.00 | Work | Collar Voite.... $1.00 | Yoke | nec | ack |Or tace | Emb. Silk. ss] $:00 | Pattern Price | Grade} | On the whole, woman's financial outlook is encourag- ing. Futures rouse speculative interests, and while the mar- ket is irregular, matrimonial bond offerings are steady to strong and support not lacking. Sealed Proposals are in demand, and many Unions are quiet and unchanged. The Nevada Woman's Exchange rules steady, and lists prime single names, A Few Tips for Woman Investors spinisters, we recommend Man, Beach. a lady without a maid—Can. Pac. a lady wishing to cross Broadway—Majestic Cop- a young lady entertaining her lover—Lack. Gas. a Boston Highbrow—Mass. Gas. a sweet young débutante—Am. Sugar. a Boston girl—Am. Ice. a lady losing at Bridge—Am. Beet. a summer girl—Chic. Union preferred. a women’s club—Nash. and Chatt. the small investor—lowa Cent. the thrifty young housekeeper—New Cent. Coal. a suffragette—Am. Loco. SPARE RIBS AND DRESSING Carolyn Wells. comicbooks.com