Life, 1912-04-18 · page 30 of 54
Life — April 18, 1912 — page 30: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This poem by H.E. Porter satirizes Theodore Roosevelt's contradictory denials about seeking a third presidential term. Using a "ten little Indians" countdown structure, it mocks how Roosevelt repeatedly claimed he wouldn't run for president—"Under no circumstances shall I consider the possibility of a third term"—while simultaneously inserting himself into the race, eventually declaring "I am ready to serve if called upon." Each stanza eliminates a candidate through various mishaps (stupid speeches, supporting suffrage, spurning editors), with Roosevelt's name constantly reappearing despite his protestations. The final reveal—"Then there was Ted"—reveals his inevitability. The accompanying illustration shows two figures parting, likely representing Roosevelt and his chosen successor, visually reinforcing the theme of broken political promises. The satire targets Roosevelt's transparent political maneuvering during the 1912 election cycle.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
eLP'B « THE REST OF FRIENDS MUST PART Where Duty Called OLUMRUS was just about to discover America when Dipping his hand into the salty ocean he drew forth a pack of cards, a set of poker chip: a corporation counsel's fee and a legislature's bribe. “‘This means,” said the crew desperately, “that we must keep on if only to establish a Black Hand Society for the honor of our country Thus history was made. the crew struck, “ SUPPOSE COAL IS SIX DOLLARS A TON, AND YOU GAVE YOUR DEALER THIRTY DOLLARS, HOW MANY TONS WOULD HE SEND you?” “THR “OH, THAT'S WRONG.” “1 KNOW 11'S WRONG, BUT THAT'S WHAT HE DONE.” Nursery Politics N hopeful candidates in Presidential line, One wasn’t nominated. At which unexpected pleasure Mr. Roosevelt said, “Under no circumstances shall I consider the possibility of a third term.” Then there were nine. Nine good Americans to steer the ship of state, One made a stupid speech. On hearing which Col. Roosevelt said, “I can only repeat my statement of 1908; I shall never again accept the candidacy Then there were eight. Eight earnest seekers after democratic Heaven, One spurned an editor. An event which ex-President Roosevelt regretted, say- ing, “I do not ask for the nomination.” Then there were seven Seven giant intellects (omitting John A. Dix), One was a suffragist. At about this juncture T. R. broke the silence as follows: “I am not, and never have been, a candidate for a third term.” Then there were six. Six busy bees at work in patriotic hive, One didn’t work enough. Nevertheless Bwana Tumbo wa cinctly, “I have nothing to si Still there were five. heard to state suc- Five saints in politics before the White House door, One was made a Justice When interviewed on the subject Terrible Ted, the Congo Thunderbolt, remarked, “If constrained by the voice of the people I shall not decline.” And then there were four. Four clever diplomats to keep our country free, Alabama smothered one. Overseer Roosevelt, of Harvard University, when ap- proached by a reporter from New York, stated, “I shall do what I consider to be my duty.” Then there were three. Three trained Republicans in search of pastures new, One was just mistaken. And to the astonishment of the entire United States the Sage of Oyster Bay proclaimed, “I am ready to serve if called upon.” Then there were two. Two gallant warriors to be the nation’s head, One was chosen Governor. The other, Theodore Roosevelt, was heard to observe, “Tam the choice of the people.” Then there was Ted. H. E, Porter. comicbooks.com