Life, 1912-03-21 · page 34 of 52
Life — March 21, 1912 — page 34: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several short humorous pieces typical of early 20th-century satirical magazines: **"A Bad Opening"** jokes about an awkward suitor trying to impress his girlfriend's father by asking about property boundaries—only to learn the estate "does not go with my daughter." **"The Test"** contrasts novelistic gunplay with real-life romance, suggesting actual love lacks dramatic intensity. **"Sophisticated"** satirizes a wealthy Texas representative praising a heiress who claims European sophistication—her measure of success being marriage proposals rather than cultural experience. **"Proving It"** features animals (cat and hen) debating child-rearing, with the hen defending harsh discipline ("sat upon"). **"Ways His Uncle Had"** suggests a man's poor table manners explain supernatural table-turning tricks. The page is primarily filler content—brief jokes reprinted from other publications. A large advertisement for Heisey's Glassware occupies the lower half, typical of magazine monetization. One cartoon shows a man admiring artwork while commenting on geese's human qualities.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
SAV Scissors A Bad Opening Inrrcuxtovs Svrtor (endeavoring to make himself agreeable to Miss Angela's papa): What a charming place you have here, Mr. Oldman! Does it go all the way to that grove over there? Uxsyaratietic Para: It does. I. S.: And all the way to that stone wall in the distance on this sid UL Pi: It docs! And it goes all the way to the creek on the south, and all the way to the State Road on the north; but, Mr. Youngman, it docs not go with my daughter Angela !—Lippincott's. The Test “In Chapter I he shoots at her five times, Ain't that grand?" “Yes; but them novels are mislead- ing, Mayme. There ain't no earnest love like that in real life.” —Kansas City Journal. d all our friends by get- Now surprise ‘em by d "—Washington Herald. OF EBatnd QZ Sophisticated Representative Henry, of Texas, was praising a Washington heiress. “She is the right sort,” he said. “She went abroad last year, and on her na friend asked her: id you see many picturesque old ruins over there?’ * she answered, with a faint and six of them proposed.” —Tit-Bits. ANT, Nyllv) Proving It “People, nowadays,” said the old house cat, “don’t know how to raise children. They let the youngsters have their own way too much.” "That's right," replied the old brood hen. “Now, look at these chicks of mine. They wouldn't have amounted to anything if they hadn’t been sat upon.” —The Catholic Standard and Times. Ways His Uncle Had “That was the spirit of your uncle that made that table stand, turn over and do such queer stunts.” “Tam not surprised, he never did have good table manners. —New Orleans Times-Democrat. Mr. Sparrow: 1 ast ONLY A TRAMP, BUT I GUESS 1'D RATHER NOT BE KING or tite binps! Lave ts pablished every Th Possersiont. $5.00 9 year f & year: to Canada. $ tate of pabliration. ited cantrtbetions Britain The Iaternattonal N 1s accompanied bv tamped and asdroned entalipe. Company, Breame B Chancery Lane, London. Eland Acesre Brentanos's 37 Ace, News Exchanges, 2 Lane, . Loo Gumaro Modena, Milan; Mayence. ‘Opera, Pari: also 148 Rue du Faubourg, St. Denis, frer three sete The tert and Ulustrations in LIRR ave on Seuthamptin Rows, Lindon, WoC. Lure ds net held ine re metihcation should Be sent by subscribers of any change ited, For Reprint Rights im Great Britain apply to Live, 114 deen. ee opm] Heisey’s () Gus Sr 395 SELLY O1SH You have no idea what beau- tiful things—sparkling, clear as crystal and of attractive shapes— can be had for a very small outlay. Quality and durability considered, EY ee is not only the lowest priced tableware le, but is guaranteed, when used like conditions, to last twice as long as ordinary glassware. € 3 Ee g Heisey’s Glassware is for sale only by the best crockery and department stores. Write us for our book “Table Glass and How to Use It.” A. H. HEISEY & CO. Department 62 NEWARK, OHIO eee 303 TUMBLER “TO ME, MATILDA, THERE 1S SOMETHING AL~ MOST MUMAX AbOUT THOSE GEESE” comicbooks.com | |